From a conversation between Yasmeena Ali & Izzy

The film’s original title in Spanish is: Di que Sí, which just means Say Yes. Once you know that, the whole film clicks into place around it. Every scene is somebody saying yes a different way, and almost never out loud.

Yasmeena: It is me saying yes with my body, like I am open for you. There is no exchange of words. Instead of being him on the bed, I felt like he was looking at me. I felt completely vulnerable in that moment. The saying yes was him receiving without necessarily saying, okay, let’s do this. You open up automatically. Don’t be afraid to take the lead, even if your partner usually does.

Yasmeena: The whole scene was really the eye contact, not the hand job. The hand job was the vehicle. The trigger for the arousal is the eye contact. You see them both so passionately in tune with one another. I see you, and I love to see you having fun. I also use a lot of eye contact in my own life, because I love that communication of the mind. I think I know what you’re thinking, and you know what I want, without saying it. You learn to talk a different language with your eyes.

Izzy: He was aware that even oral sex carries some risk of transmission. He didn’t put it in his mouth to lubricate. He spit on his hand, the hand went on the penis, the condom went on, and only then he did the oral sex.

Yasmeena: It didn’t feel clinical. The practical aspect wasn’t seen as unsexy. The moment is not ruined just because you need lube or a condom.

Izzy: Later in the film, the same care slips. He starts giving him oral sex without a condom. The other one says, what are you doing? Here is the condom. The urgency took over.

Yasmeena: It was done in a very kind way. He realised, okay, my partner is so horny, I will help him, even open the wrapping for him. It didn’t break him being turned on.

Izzy: I was less sure. To me it felt like he was thinking, my gosh, again, I just want to sleep.

Yasmeena: This is the clip that stayed with me longest. They’re kissing wildly on the bed, and one partner spanks the other while the kissing keeps going. You don’t see the spanking. You hear the sound, and your mind is like, what else is going on? It was very intentional. He did it a few times. We are kissing, but I’m also going to increase the pleasure for my partner by spanking.

Yasmeena: He was sucking his feet like he was sucking his penis. Treated with the same intensity, the same passion, the same time, the same technique, with that eye contact at the same time. What makes it intense is the attention. How you do it, not the result.

Yasmeena: Both of them masturbating and looking at each other. Often when there’s masturbation in conventional porn, one partner is receiving and the other is giving. Here it’s both at the same time. I have never seen that in hetero porn, and neither have I experienced it.

Izzy: We’re taught that masturbation is something that happens alone. Here it’s a tool that helps us connect. It doesn’t have to be something we always do on our own.

Yasmeena: Together individually, and together as partners in this moment.

Yasmeena: I was enjoying the two of them having fun, and then all of a sudden I see the cameraman is having fun. The scene goes to the three of them on the bed. It was natural fun, but it was kind of a performance in the film, and it didn’t feel like one.

Izzy: I kept getting stuck on the ethics. If the person lays next to you and you start having sex with your partner, do you wake them up? Ask if they’re okay with that?

Yasmeena: He’s sleeping in the bed, basically naked, wearing this beautiful lingerie. He must have been open to it.

Izzy: My ethical brain came in for one second. But the film doesn’t show us everything, and we have to use our imagination.

Izzy: The wake-up beat bookends the film. In the beginning, one of them comes in while the other is still asleep, starts kissing him, makes him more aroused. The other guy wakes up and is into it, going with the flow. It’s a surprise.

Yasmeena: What are you doing doesn’t mean no, stop right now. Through the body language, it is just a continuation of the fun. He accepts the surprise as a gift.

Izzy: The same beat returns at the end of the film, but to me the energy felt different there. The partner is less engaged once he wakes up. Almost bored.

Yasmeena: Kopfkino. Cinema in your head. You don’t leave everything on display. Just a little bit of sensuality, and the rest, your brain is already ahead of you.

Izzy: The less we show, the better it gets. You show something but not everything.

Yasmeena: It comes back to the title of saying yes. Explicit verbal, implied, different positions, different taboos, different people saying yes to that too.

Yasmeena: Say yes to this film.

Reflection question: Did the eye contact carry more than the act?

Application: Tonight, when you’d usually shut your eyes, keep them open and stay on their face. Let that be the yes.

(Takeaway: “the eye contact was the whole scene, not the act” still lives in the data file but is no longer rendered on the page.)