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How Erika uses porn to sexually explore in her long-term relationship

2022-07-12
min read
How Erika uses porn to sexually explore in her long-term relationship

Erika can’t remember a time when she wasn’t exploring sexuality. She grew up in a sex-positive environment. Still, she noticed there was stigma around sexuality as a girl.

“I can’t really remember a time when I didn’t play with myself,” she says. “Which I think is expected of boys, but not necessarily of girls. I actually remember being in eighth grade and talking with my friends. And we came up with a code word for masturbating, because we couldn’t say it. There was some kind of idea like, oh, only boys do that, like, not us.’”

Despite the stigma outside of her house, she learned from her parents that sexuality was normal.

“I think I was really lucky because my parents were very forthcoming. I asked, ‘Why do people have sex?’ And my dad was like, ‘Aside from having children? Um, because it feels good.’ And it was nice to have that be the introduction to it.”

She remembers having lots of other questions about sex.

“I was curious, I was into it, and I had a lot of questions about it,” she says.

Discovering porn for the first time, and feeling confused by it

When she discovered porn as a high schooler, she felt confused about what she saw. It didn’t seem genuine.

“You would get the impression that the only way to make a woman cum is either to like, bang on her clit until it’s bruised the next day, or like, lick her pussy twice and then it’s done,” she laughs. “There’s no input, you know.”

And magazines like Cosmo didn’t feel any more realistic than mainstream porn.

“Cosmo putting out a stupid 10-point article about how to give a good blow job is useless,” she says. “And it always feels disingenuous, like they’re just looking for clicks.”

If she was going to watch porn or learn about sex online, she wanted a resource that felt genuinely helpful and real.

Exploring sexuality in a long-term relationship

As Erika got older, she continued to explore her sexuality and became more and more open-minded.

“I was kind of always the, ‘I’ll try anything once’ person. But at the same time, if I’m going to try something, I want to give it a good faith try.”

She says it can still be hard to know how to start exploring, especially when you’re in a long-term relationship.

“I’ve been dating this person for three and a half years,” says Erika. “I love him dearly, we have a great time. But at the same time, sometimes you need a bit of a kick to really reengage.”

This is one of the reasons she uses afterglow.

“I think, without the input, experience and the knowledge base from afterglow, it’s difficult to really see how to actually dip your toe into something. You know, it’s difficult to explore a new area.”

Using afterglow to learn about sex, try new things, and watch porn

“I think I have pretty great sex, but I’m always looking to kind of try something new,” says Erika. “That’s where afterglow totally comes in clutch. it’s almost like a masterclass in sex.”

She loves to read about things she hasn’t tried before, like how to develop a domme persona.

“I think what’s cool about sex — especially when you’re with a partner that you’re super into — is that if there’s trust and you both come to it with good cheer and humor, anything is really hot,” she says. “Anything is possible, and you can explore really, really cool places.”

Long-distance pleasure

She also enjoys watching porn by herself. In 2020, when the pandemic hit, she and her boyfriend were long-distance. This prompted her to buy her first vibrator.

“Having a toy, and then also having no boyfriend there, and having a lot of free time, I got into quite the rhythm,” she says. “And afterglow did definitely play a part in that.”

She loves learning new techniques from eduporn.

“What’s amazing about afterglow is that you get so many different, almost like tutorials about sexual stuff that you just don’t get anywhere else,” she says.

And she likes knowing that her porn is ethical.

“I really like being able to plug afterglow when I talk to people because it’s like, if you’re worried about the industry, if you have reservations, I have the place for you.”

Becoming a diligent sexual explorer

Since discovering afterglow, Erika has continue to open up to new experiences sexually.

“afterglow has really helped helped me become a more diligent sexual explorer,” she says.

She checks the site for new content every week.

“It’s porn that you want to watch,” she says. “It’s not too vanilla, which is great. And it gives you a very curated list of search results. You’re not going to have to weed through all of these terrible videos, all these things that make you feel kind of gross.”

She particularly loves the films focused on couples.

“afterglow is very reverent of the sexiness that exists within a relationship, which I think is really cool,” she says. “I think that’s what you really get from films like Lip Service. There can be this eroticism that comes from having a really deep connection with somebody. And that’s not ignored.”

Erika also enjoys talking about her sexual experiences with friends.

“My generation is a little bit more sexually open,” she says. “I think people are very into exploring in a way that they just weren’t before. Like, for instance, in high school, people would make jokes about butt stuff. But now, nobody really bats an eye. And even that progression over the matter of four or five years is really cool to see. I think in part that’s because porn, pleasure, and sex are all becoming less cloaked in like this veil of secrecy. It’s not like, ‘Oh, I do this by myself. And nobody knows that.’ It’s like, ‘no, I talk about it with my friends.’”

Erika says that sexuality is almost meditative for her.

“Sexual exploration is an ultimate exercise in being present in your body in your mind,” she says. “I look to it as a way to get back in my body, especially when I’ve had a really hard day. It reminds me that I’m a thinking person, a feeling person, and a physical person all at once, which is really special.”


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