Is anal sex gay?

Let’s get this out of the way first: nope! Anal pleasure isn’t exclusive to any gender, identity, or orientation. It’s not a “gay thing.” It’s a human thing. And enjoying it doesn’t mean anything about your identity—except maybe that you’re into discovering more of what feels good for you.

As psychiatrist Darian Leader points out in Is It Ever Just Sex?, back in the 16th century, anal play might’ve been seen as sinful—but not as a marker of sexual identity. The idea that certain acts equals certain identities is a relatively modern notion.

So no, taking a finger (or more) up the butt doesn’t make you gay. And yes, gay people do have lots of other options.

Where to begin?

If you’re already comfortable with anal play, you might take a page right out of Sofi and Cedric’s book—start with plenty of foreplay. A full-body massage, some lingering kisses, or focusing on other kinds of pleasure like oral sex can help build intimacy and arousal. In W/holesome, this slow, sensual buildup sets the tone for everything that follows. It’s not a race—it’s a journey. 

But if you are completely new to it – start small. Like… really small.

You don’t have to jump straight to a penis or a sex toy penetration. Even just lightly touching the outside of your butthole with a lubed finger can be a lovely start. In the film Cedric first puts a lot of lube on his finger and then starts doing small circles with his finger on the outside of the anus. 

If the touching feels good, try sliding the finger in gently. And always—always—use lube. Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate.

We can see that before Cedric goes full on anal penetration with his penis, he first uses a glass dildo. When you’re ready to explore toys, opt for ones made for anal play—those with a flared base or as in the video with a “swirled” end. Why? Because the anus is a powerful suction machine. And nobody wants to explain to the ER how a toy went missing up there. (Yes, this happens.)

Also: there’s zero shame in keeping it small. Pleasure has nothing to do with toy size and everything to do with what feels right for you.

Communication

Whether you’re giving or receiving, talking about what feels good is essential. Anal play isn’t something you just wing it. It’s a co-created experience that thrives on trust, tuning in, and staying in sync.

In the film, Sofi does a beautiful job showing us how this can look. She clearly expresses her needs—at one point, she even asks Cedric to play with her ass a bit more. It’s direct, sexy, and makes the whole experience feel even more connected.

Sofi also uses non-verbal cues—like a subtle nod to let Cedric know he can go in deeper. Sometimes a look, a breath, or a movement is all it takes to guide your partner. Your body is part of the conversation.

Don’t be afraid to let your partner know what you want—they’ll likely be grateful for the clarity. And just as important – don’t hesitate to slow down, pause, or take a break—just like Sofi does in the film. Pleasure doesn’t have to be constant to be satisfying. 

Your body, your boundaries, your rhythm.

Do it with care

In her performer’s interview Sofi says: “It’s such a much more gentle way of having sex, much more careful, because one has to be more careful with that part of the body”.

Let’s talk about the practical stuff—because nothing kills the vibe faster than a preventable oops.

In the video, Cedric and Sofi don’t use condoms, but that’s just because they are in a relationship and get tested regularly. But if you and your partner(s) aren’t in a monogamous, tested bubble, using condoms during anal sex is a must. Anal tissue is delicate and can tear easily, which ups the risk for STIs. 

And if you’re switching between anal and vaginal play? Change the condom! The bacteria that lives in your anus is not welcome in your vagina or urethra. Skipping this step can lead to infections or irritation.

Now… onto that question everyone secretly wants to ask 🙂

But… What if I poop?

It’s a valid concern. Anal sex involves the rectum, which is the final section of the large intestine and the place where stool is temporarily stored before a bowel movement (aka before you poop). However, if you’ve recently gone to the bathroom and your digestive system is functioning normally, the rectum is likely to be empty and you don’t have to worry about pooping during anal penetration.

That said, a little residual matter still stays in rectum and that’s totally normal.

Some people like to do a quick rinse with an enema beforehand. Enemas flush out the rectum using water or saline, and they’re easy to find at any drugstore. This step is totally optional—don’t feel pressured—but if it helps you relax and enjoy the moment more, go for it.

Bottom line (pun intended): anal sex can be clean, safe, and enjoyable, as long as you prep with care. Use condoms, check in with your body, and maybe keep a towel nearby just in case. No shame, just smart play.

Can porn be educational?

Absolutely—when it’s made with intention.

When making W/holsome, director Bea Blue set out to make something that’s both arousing and educational. And it works. This film shows real consent, real communication, and real pleasure—not the performance-y stuff we usually see in porn, and especially when it comes to anal sex. 

Many performers, like Lola Jean, also teach about sex and pleasure beyond the screen. Her pegging videos? Hilarious and informative. I highly recommend it.

Did You Notice?

When Cedric comes, he stays inside Sofi and brings her to another climax. That’s not just hot—it’s deeply connected. It shows us what sex can look like when mutual pleasure and care lead the way.

Questions to consider

• How do you feel about anal sex? Is it something you’re curious to try?
• What fears or hesitations might be holding you back?
• How would you bring up anal play with a partner?
• What did this film make you feel—curious, aroused, inspired, all of the above?

Pleasure doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be yours. So go slow, explore, and enjoy what W/holesome has to offer.