Written by: Christina Castalia

Because of my work as a cam girl, I have dabbled in most fetishes that exist. People come to me with all kinds of requests, and I’ve even experimented with Shibari before on cam. But in that setting, I was always alone in my room with my client on the other side of a screen.

I have had many sexual play partners who have wanted to tie me up, with rope or even handcuffs but it was never something I was interested in exploring. It may have been because I hadn’t found the right person; someone I actually trusted to untie me the second I said I’d had enough. Or maybe it’s because I have some underlying trauma regarding being tied up. I’ve never been comfortable giving up my power during sex, or in general.

I never had a particular desire to try Shibari in my personal life – or so I thought. My husband felt the same, so it just never came up for us.

When I saw this video I initially said “oh that’s not for me” and I almost skipped it. That would have been such a shame, because I was very wrong.

Sage drew me in quickly with her playful, easy-going vibe. Before I knew it, I was hooked and I heard myself asking my husband if he would be down to tie me up. From the first moment Sage sets the tone: we are here to play, to try something new and to have fun (!) and she will make sure you are safe while this happens.

We are introduced to her rope partner, Jake, and she explains step-by-step how she approaches a session. I love how she guides us through things that might seem obvious, like what kind of scissors you need, because that was exactly the question that popped into my head. She explains everything you need to know to get out of an unsafe situation in a way that doesn’t cause fear, but just gives you the facts. It really shows how skillful and knowledgeable she is.

“Negotiations are an opportunity to see where you both are that day

and what you want to explore in the session.

What type of emotions you might be wanting to play with.”

Sage and Jake also share an intimate moment she recommends having before you engage in play: checking in with each other to discuss expectations, desires, boundaries, and needs. Seeing these moments helps you learn how to vocalize those things yourself. It gives words to sensations we might not have recognized if we weren’t shown. And I absolutely loved hearing Sage proclaim she was horny and ovulating and wanted heavy sexual energy. I love seeing women being sexual beings (openly!).

The beginner-friendly rope routines really were just that. Neither my husband nor I had tried these specific knots before, and while my husband might just be a natural (he is at many things), he nailed them all on the first try. I love that after Sage explains the technical side, she also shares with us moments of their playtime, which emphasizes that we are not confined within any rules, but are free to explore what feels good.

Around 20 min through the video we can see the energy shifting. Sage has been the “Top” for the entire session, but here we see her being held and caressed by Jake. This shows an often unforgotten aspect of after care: it is just as important for the Dominant as it is for the Submissive! 

“After you’ve had an opportunity to connect so deeply and intimately,

it’s time to invite in and welcome in the container of aftercare.

This is the time to reconnect, to ground, to bring the energy back, to balance.”

In the final part of the video, she said my favorite thing: Shibari is supposed to be a tool, like a sex toy, it is supposed to add to the experience.

In 15 years of being a cam girl I’ve seen many people start to prioritize the fetish over the actual sex and connection. I really enjoy how Sage emphasizes that the rope isn’t supposed to be the entire experience. 

It’s supposed to be play, and it’s supposed to be FUN.

“The most important thing to remember is that rope is an additive tool.

It’s a sex toy to play with. It’s not something that needs perfection,

or for something for you to drill for hours or feel overwhelmed by.

It’s something to add into your play to help you connect more to be more intimate.

And of course, have so much fun.”

Sage is incredibly skillful – watching her tie Jake’s wrists without even looking at the rope was VERY sexy! It showed how confident she is. Her tone – calm but playful – was perfect for me. When I’ve looked for similar content in the past, even the beginner stuff felt too serious. And while I understand it’s a serious subject, if the fun is missing, I don’t want to play anymore.

As someone who was apprehensive, has never tried anything like this before with a partner (and has a history of trauma), Sage was the perfect guide. She covered everything: how to hold your hands, how to tie the knots, and how to stay adjustable. I loved that she was the “rope-master” and the one in charge; even through the screen, she made me feel safe.

The visuals were beautiful, the intimacy was real, and I would love to follow another guide by Sage!

Resources:

• Research on negotiation and consent frameworks in BDSM.
• An article about the importance of aftercare written by David J. Ley Ph.D.