We all have daydreams: winning the lottery, swimming with dolphins, bagging Keanu Reeves. But what about fantasies? Specifically, sexual fantasies. Even more specifically, what you’d do with Keanu once you got him.

At afterglow we’re not invested in sugarcoating things or dancing around the issue too much. We all have fantasies that turn us on and, when we’re lucky, get us off. We do, and our partners do too. However, only 19.5% of Americans feel ‘extremely comfortable’ talking to their partners about their sexual fantasies. That’s a dismal display of communication (or lack thereof), leading to unfulfilled needs and under par sex.

Sharing is caring

Sex is a mental experience as much as it is a physical one. Intimacy and vulnerability go hand-in-hand with excitement and fun. Dr Kat van Kirk explains that not sharing your desires with your partner can lead to increased shame about them, in turn meaning you’ll be more likely to bottle them up. And that’s not a great experience for anyone. 

Talking about our fantasies is a validating experience. While men have had decades – centuries even – of exploring and explaining their sexual wants through film, TV shows, porn and men’s magazines, women have had to be more discreet. As with most of the discussion about female pleasure, it’s been under wraps and hush-hush, leading young women to grow up believing that not only is it not okay for women to talk about fantasies, it’s not okay to have fantasies in the first place.

5-minute journal for better sex

We want to smash the conversation wide open and get women discussing their wildest fantasies both in our community and in the world at large. Our 5-minute journal series for better sex is a great starting point. All you have to do is pen your current sexual fantasy.

Whenever you feel most comfortable — perhaps with your pre-work coffee or just before bed — take some time with your thoughts. Jot down your boldest and most creative fantasies, then pop your notes somewhere easily accessible when you need a bit of inspiration.

Need some inspiration?

Your 5-minute journal on ‘what is your current sexual fantasy’ could go a bit like this…

Example 1 

My current sexual fantasy is inspired by my country’s lockdown restrictions. Can’t meet at someone’s house to hook up? Let’s take things outdoors. These dark nights would be perfect to sneak up an alley or down a woodland path, ignore the chilly weather and indulge in a bit of al fresco fun.

Example 2

I’ve always wanted to be submissive in bed. So my current sexual fantasy is for my partner to blindfold me, tie me to the bed and have her way with me. The twin pleasures of not being able to see alongside being restrained turn me on so much, and trying this with someone I trust feels like a good gateway into exploring light BDSM.

Example 3

These days, I’m fantasizing about exploring my bisexuality more with a FFM threesome. I daydream about meeting a couple in a bar and them taking me home having barely said a word. I want to watch and be watched by both of them; the added layer or unfamiliarity and anonymity just makes it that much hotter.

Sure, perhaps your fantasies these days are not attainable until the world is a little bit safer, but that means you can spend even more time coming up with things to try out once it is. We would love to hear your 5-minute journal for better sex, and hope you can find pleasure and excitement in writing down your thoughts and, potentially, turning them into reality. So log in, turn on and drop us a line.

About Kirstyn Smith

Kirstyn Smith, afterglow writer

Despite being a writer, Kirstyn Smith still isn’t very good at amusing bios. She works freelance as an editor + writer, and she’s also founder of Marbles – an independent magazine that explores mental illness with irreverence, rawness and humour. In her free time, she likes to nap, eat chips, run and consume all things spooky. But mainly the chips thing.

60% of women are dissatisfied with their sex lives. We’re on a mission to change that.

What if you didn’t have to search to find a body that looks like yours, a sex act that turns you on, or a guided exercise that helps you tell your partner exactly what you’ve been craving?

What if YOUR pleasure came first?

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