So what did you think of Tell Me?

Tell Me starts with a hot hookup scene, but it doesn’t end there. Jessica and Mike find they share a connection and don’t want it to end. A night turns into a weekend of fun, flirting, laughter, video games and of course, a lot of sex!

What you can learn from Tell Me:

• Sex doesn’t have to be serious
• It’s ok to masturbate even in the context of a relationship
• Having a physical connection first doesn’t negate having an emotional connection
• Casual sex doesn’t mean that the sex isn’t intimate
• Casual sex still requires treating your partner with respect

Here are some themes covered in Tell Me that you may have noticed:

• “Casual” sex
• Masturbation in a relationship
• Variety

“Casual” sex

Tell Me starts with a Friday night hookup. Maybe Jessica & Mike met at a party, or a Tinder date. 

“I’ve never gone home with someone I’ve just met” she says at the beginning. After a night of great sex, they wake up together in the morning. Instead of regrets or a quick exit, they linger and begin to get to know each other. The intimacy builds naturally in the afterglow, with them playing video games and sharing increasingly personal information. They start with their favorite foods, then their childhood dreams, eventually delving into their last relationships.

Psychologist Arthur Aron formulated “36 Questions to Fall in Love,” with the aim of building intimacy between two individuals. Jessica & Mike’s journey follows a similar path.

Surprisingly, about a third of marriages begin with a hookup! You never know who you will meet and connect with. Sexual attraction is a key part of a relationship for many people, and for some it’s nice to figure out quickly if you’re a match in bed.

Our slut-shaming culture has told us that wanting to have sex based on purely physical attraction is less-than. There’s actually research that shows that if you believe casual sex is bad for you, you’ll have negative psychological effects if you partake, whereas if you believe it’s good for you, you’ll have psychological benefits!

Masturbation in a relationship

In a few scenes in the Director’s Cut, we see Jessica masturbating. Tell Me : Jessica (Part 2) is the complete scene, done POV style as though Jessica is masturbating for Mike. 

Masturbating for your partner is an easy tool to include in your sexual repertoire. It draws on voyeuristic fantasies, and it can even be fun to lean into the performative aspect of putting on a show for your partner.

It’s a chance to focus on yourself and your pleasure, and can even feel extra intimate to let your partner see what you do when they aren’t around. Your partner may learn a thing or two by paying close attention to what you’re doing – what speed do you like? Where exactly do you touch yourself? And how? A little show and tell can be a great way to learn.

Masturbation can also be great when one partner’s arousal level is different from the other’s, or to enjoy each other without having to do as much work. It can be a great way to be sexual together without having to have as much anxiety around pleasing your partner.

Variety

In Tell Me, Mike licks Jessica until she comes. Cunnilngus doesn’t have to be just foreplay, it can be the main event too. Jessica & Mike spend all weekend together, so they get to try out all the different positions. It’s not the same script every time. When was the last time you tried a new move in bed? Or even the same move, but in a different way? There’s no end to the options, and variety doesn’t have to mean some crazy position that requires years of yoga to get into. Variety can mean touching your partner in a different place on their body than usual, or stroking them differently, or whispering a relevant compliment in their ear. As humans, we respond to novelty.

Did you notice?

• After seeing scenes for Friday, Saturday and Sunday, the film ends with Monday and an empty bed.

Fun Fact – Shreddz is also a wrestler! See more of his work here.

Questions to consider

• How would you describe Jessica & Mike’s relationship at the start of the film? How about at the end?
• How do you define casual sex? Did the sex in this film meet that definition?
• What do you expect from a partner even if you’re not in a relationship?
• What did you think of the masturbation scenes?
• Do you think Jessica & Mike will see each other again?