Written by Suzanah Weiss

Introduction

Ever fantasized about hopping into your roommate’s bed? Josh Milk and Johan J. play out this fantasy on a sunny afternoon as they both stand by the window to observe a crowd gathered outside. They exchange a look of recognition before leaning in for a kiss, and things heat up quickly from there. They head to the bedroom and timidly start touching and undressing each other as the scene escalates to an exciting climax. 

What You Can Learn

• The importance of paying attention to nonverbal cues during sex. 
• When foreplay becomes sex 
• Sex between men can include a variety of acts beyond anal penetration. 

Here are some themes you may have noticed in Roomies:

• Foreplay
• Anal penetration
• Take it slow

Foreplay

Foreplay is a way to get to know the partner better before engaging in penetration, especially the first time they have sex. Foreplay draws out the experience and helps people establish emotional attunement. For same-sex couples – and straight couples as well – even some acts typically considered “foreplay,” such as oral sex, can just as easily be considered sex. Penetration is not necessary to make the encounter count as sex. In one 2011 study, 72 percent of men who have sex with men said they had oral sex during their last sexual encounter, as opposed to just 37 percent who had anal sex. Research has also found that gay men who receive oral sex more frequently have more frequent orgasms. So, don’t feel alone if you’re a gay man and anal sex isn’t your favorite item on the menu! 

Anal Penetration

Anal sex is often something that takes a second to work up to, especially with a new partner. This means spending time on kissing, caressing, blowjobs, handjobs, and everything in between. Often, porn actors have long discussions before recording videos about consent, their preferences, STI status, and other ways to enhance the experience. Even though it’s not shown in this video, using lube is also a very good idea for minimizing friction and maximizing comfort during anal sext. If you’re new to anal sex, it’s essential to use lube and start with fingers or toys before inserting a penis into the anus. And of course, a discussion of safer sex is important, with condoms being a helpful tool for those looking to prevent STIs. This video also shows that there are many positions to enjoy anal sex in, including missionary, cowboy, and doggie style. This can be pleasurable not just for gay men but also for women, as the anus has many nerve endings in all bodies. 

Take It Slow

The actors in this film take their time kissing, licking, and touching each other before engaging in anal sex. You can see that they’re not in a rush; they’re both enjoying themselves, connecting, and making eye contact while pleasuring each other and themselves. While there isn’t much talking, they communicate through moans, groans, grunts, and growls. It’s important not to rush an act like anal sex, especially with a new partner, so that everyone involved is both physically and emotionally comfortable.

Did You Notice?

In the beginning of the video, you can hear a crowd gathering on the street as the actors look ponderously out the window. What do you think they’re witnessing, and do you think all the people around add to the thrill of the sex? 

Questions to Consider 

• Would this scene have been better with more verbal communication, or did the nonverbal cues and sounds work just as well?
• What preconceptions did you have about how two men might have sex, and how did this video challenge or confirm them?
• What judgments, if any, do you have about both partners bringing themselves to orgasm? 
• What dynamics can sex with a roommate introduce, and what would need to happen for it to be healthy