Alright, let’s dive into Tie Me Up, a sweet celebration of submission. This film shows a couple lovingly exploring a fantasy together – with a little help. Marina offers Dan a gift of rope to tie her up with. She confesses her desire to be submissive and he obliges. Yet despite her bondage, we see that this scene is still focused on her pleasure and her fantasy.
What You Can Learn from Tie Me Up:
- How to explore fantasies with a partner
- Setting the scene before having sex leads to a more intentional experience
- How submission can be a beautiful release
- There’s no one body type deserving of pleasure (or kink)
- How to tie somebody up! (kind of)
Here are some themes covered in Tie Me Up you may have noticed:
- Submission & Bondage
- Setting the scene
- Exploring fantasies together
Submission & Bondage
Shibari is a type of Japanese rope bondage. The process of tying and being tied is an extension of intentional touch, a way to touch your partner (or restrain them) through rope. Being tied helps the “rope bottom” become vulnerable and relinquish control. It can also help both partners with mindfulness and awareness of sensations. In Tie Me Up, we see Marina requesting Dan to take the lead, to let her be in more of a submissive role.
However, just because she is in a submissive role, does not mean that her pleasure isn’t important. It’s said in BDSM that “The sub is really the one who is in control.” It’s usually the dom’s responsibility to ensure that the sub is experiencing pleasure, to create a situation that the sub will enjoy. While not technically being “in control,” Tie Me Up shows how Dan’s leadership is meant for Marina’s benefit. At one point, he brings out a toy for her to use to play with herself. She is at his mercy, yet he remains gentle and caring as he softly brushes his hands across her legs. She retains some level of control, able to move her arms to take the toy.. From her smiles, you can tell she feels safe with him.
Setting the Scene
Part of the fun of shibari as foreplay is building anticipation. As is portrayed in Tie Me Up, the act of tying can take longer than the actual sex! Setting the scene is a type of foreplay almost. Setting the scene can mean any kind of intentional pre-sex interaction. It can be getting flowers, putting on lingerie, taking a bath or getting the babysitter. Kindling arousal is like growing a plant, they need soil, air and water and most importantly, time, to make the magic happen. Think about different “scenes” you might want to set with your partner. Maybe it’s sexy texting them while they are at work, or surprising them with a massage when they get home.
One beautiful thing about Tie Me Up is that this couple brings in an expert to help with what could be their first experience with rope tying/shibari. We see a woman, Isabella Frappier, doing most of the intricate tying work to help this couple create the experience they desire. Because of the cultural taboos around talking about sex, many couples don’t get the help they need. It’s hard to discuss something as private as our sex lives. Sex is something that’s on our minds, yet there’s few outlets to learn and improve. Sex is a skill just like anything else! It’s never a bad thing to work with a professional or take a course to up your game. Maybe that’s why you found afterglow.
Exploring Fantasies Together
“I wonder if he knows just how much this means to me. How much I love to be…well…submissive.”
It can be difficult to bring up a fantasy with an established partner. You already have routines and expectations of how sex will go. It can bring up worries like “do you like the current sex we’ve having?”, “will you want/get off to only this kind of sex in the future?”, “why didn’t you bring this up sooner?”, “will I still be able to please you?.” Yet sharing exciting experiences and continually injecting novelty in a relationship is proven to increase a couple’s commitment to each other by triggering the same areas of the brain as when we first fall in love.
Did you notice? – We get just a glimpse of the important aftercare from a session like this in the video, where Dan unties Mariana and they talk and laugh and cuddle.
Fun Fact- This film was shot on November 8, 2020, the day it was clear Biden would be elected President of the United States. There were some loud celebrations happening outside which made filming quite challenging!
Questions to Consider:
- Do you have any experience with rope play? What did it make you feel?
- How did you feel about Marina’s submissive role in this film? What about Dan’s dominant role?
- How would you describe the tone of this film? Where is it on the scale of kinky to bland? What would you have liked to see differently?
- How do you like the “set the scene” pre sex? What things turn you on or increase your arousal, or your likelihood of becoming aroused?
- Is there a fantasy you’ve considered wanting to explore? What might be a fun way to bring it up with your partner?
Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences with us!