When people think of bottoming for the first time, two words often come to mind: mess and pain. However, when you prepare for anal properly through anal training, all you’ll think of is confidence and pleasure. So how do you get your booty primed and ready for your bottoming debut? Keep reading this anal training guide to learn the tips and tricks on anal training for beginners.
What is Anal Training?
Anal training is the one step in bottoming that few people are aware of. That’s mainly because no one ever taught us the right way to train for anal. Your anal sphincters or your hole is trained to be tightly clinched nearly 100% of the time. Therefore, it needs to learn how to open up on command, so that you prevent your skin and underlying muscle from tearing, possibly creating fissures amongst other potential injuries. Having an understanding of not only muscle relaxation, but also skin elasticity and toughness is key. Friction during anal training, and then continuous anal play, creates both skin elasticity and toughness that help prevent injury.
Training for anal sex involves both mental and physical exercises. There are a total of three (3) muscles just inside your hole that need to be trained: the external sphincter, superficial sphincter, and internal sphincter (going out to in). That’s where anal dilation comes in. Dilation allows for complete skin and muscle relaxation and, eventually, successful bottoming. While many people can relax the muscle, they can get hung up on stretching the skin in a controlled way.
How To Train For Anal
I may be biased, but my tips are fairly simple. There are many facets to anal training, from getting into a headspace that puts your mind at ease, to learning yoga breathing techniques to help relax your body, to investing in a quality anal dilation kit for safe and proper dilation. I am here to help empower the bottom and by following this anal training guide, you will find anal sex much more safe, comfortable, and pleasurable.
General Anal Training Tips
Patience Is a Virtue
You can’t just sit down on the first person (or toy) you see. Sure, there are a few rare people who were born to bottom and don’t need to dilate, but, unfortunately, that’s not most of us. Give yourself 4-6 weeks, especially if your partner is above average below the belt. Also, don’t get discouraged if one day, things don’t go as planned. Everyone’s body is different and some skin and muscle is tighter than others, which means you might need more anal training before it feels pleasurable.
Use Lots of Lube
Unlike the vagina, the rectum doesn’t self-lubricate, so using copious amounts of lube is key to reducing injury and increasing comfort. Make sure you’re using lube that’s compatible with your anal sex training kit — water-based or toy-safe lube for silicone and plastic toys and silicone lube for glass and metal toys. Also, it’s always good practice to apply it to both your hole and your toy.
Breathe & Relax
Breathing during anal training and bottoming is as essential as it is during yoga. It helps calm the mind and body, allowing the muscles in your butt to relax and make insertion easier and more comfortable. Take a couple deep breaths each time you insert a dilator. Trust me — it really works.
Make It Fun
Just because it may seem like an assignment doesn’t mean you can’t make anal training something you look forward to. It could be a part of foreplay (check out my other anal foreplay tips), it could be done in the shower for easier clean-up (pus the steamy water does an excellent job to further feel relaxed), and it could even be something you do with a loved one (more on that later).
Know When Something Is Wrong
Sometimes, no matter how slow and careful someone is, or how much you train for anal, issues and limitations can arise at any point. If they do, it’s important to know that you are not alone and it’s time to see a specialist.
If you find that you aren’t making any progress, a complete examination–internal and external–is warranted, making sure there are no predisposed ailments limiting your anal dilation. Sometimes, the muscle is the only limiting factor and, thankfully, there is a test out there called an anal manometry that can evaluate the muscle. There are times when skin and muscle limitations can only be fixed with professional intervention, either by an anal surgeon or a pelvic floor therapist. These solutions can include anal Botox or surgery.
Practice Makes Perfect
Our anal muscles are no different than our abs or biceps and must be frequently exercised. Anal training for beginners should be done frequently and regularly, but know that you can reduce your routine over time. The more you keep it up, the better (read: more pleasurable) anal sex will be. Also, in addition to anal dilation exercises, you should alternate with anal contraction exercises to make sure you don’t lose too much muscle strength. On days that you aren’t bottoming or doing anal training, take your same anal trainers and squeeze your anal muscles around them. This will help keep things nice and tight–but not too tight.
Anal Trainers, Toys and Kits
Most anal training kits come with 3 butt plugs or dilators — small, medium, and large. These anal trainers come in various materials — silicone, PVC, glass, and metal — and each come with their own pros and cons. I find that glass butt plugs are quite nice because they can be used with silicone lube, which is the slickest lube out there, and they’re easy to clean. But I don’t think material is quite as important as shape. You want to make sure the butt plugs have a conical shape and ideally no neck (the small part between the insertable part of the dilator and the base). Contrary to what the name says and what many sex educators teach, butt plugs are not meant to be left in your body for extended periods of time. It’s not the amount of time the plug is inside your body that trains your sphincters for bottoming, but rather stretching and gaping your sphincter muscles. Lastly, depending on how big your partner is, most people don’t actually need to anal train with the largest butt plug. If you’re new to using toys, read more on playing with butt toys before you begin.
Self Anal Training
I find the best time to do anal training is by yourself because there’s no pressure to perform. Practicing sex without a partner allows you to explore your body at your own pace and focus on just one thing: training your anal muscles to relax and accommodate your butt plugs.
When it’s time to use your kit, make sure you have tons of lube and start with the smallest butt plug or dilator. Apply the lube to both your toy and your ass. Try pushing the plug into your hole until you feel pressure from the muscles in your ass. Once you hit resistance, stop and hold it there for three seconds. A helpful tip: playing with yourself while doing your workout is a great idea because it helps you learn to control your pelvic floor.
Try to consciously relax to allow the plug inside of you and then slowly remove the plug once you hit resistance — all in one continuous motion. I find that deep Yoga breathing really helps relax your sphincters.
Once removed, add more lube and then insert again with a similar technique of slowly pushing in and then slowly pulling out once you meet resistance. Three tips: (1) you may feel initial discomfort, but it shouldn’t be painful; (2) most people need to repeat these steps 4–6 times before they’re able to get the plug inside their hole; (3) don’t let your ass swallow the entire plug — only go up to where the neck starts. Sometimes it’s hard to remove the toy and, for beginners, leaving the plug fully inside is not necessary.
You’ll want to repeat all these steps 12–15 times per set and perform two sets in each session. If at any point your hole has had enough, don’t worry — stop and try again another day. And if you want to get off while doing your anal training, go for it!
Use the small plug for two weeks — even if you feel like you can take bigger. The purpose is to strengthen the skin during stretching and also allow the muscle memory to start understanding relaxation. Then, use both the small and medium plugs for the following two weeks, always starting with the small one. After that, add the large plug for the final two weeks if you feel like you need extra practice or if your partner is above average.
Anal Training with a Partner
While training on your own is preferred, anal training with your partner can be a hot and educational activity that cannot only help build trust and bring you and your partner closer, but also allow you both to get better acquainted with each other’s body. Before going any deeper, just one important tip: if you’re both anal training, make sure not to share toys. You can either use a new condom when switching toys or thoroughly wash them with warm water and soap.
Communication is going to be key if you’re anal training with your partner. You’ll want to resist all temptations to take things fast and deep. Slow and steady not only helps train your skin and muscle to accommodate, but also creates a comfortable and pleasurable experience. Once you’ve graduated to the real thing, I still always recommend using your anal trainers before you bottom for your partner and then not only choosing a position in which you are in control, but also one that is not submissive. The best way to achieve this is with you on top.
Another tip: if you’re partnered and you’re working towards a specific goal (your partner’s penis or strap-on that may be thicker, longer, thinner, or shorter than average anal training kits), I encourage you to find a toy that replicates their anatomy. That way, you can actually simulate the real thing when you’re practicing your anal training exercises. Some couples even buy those kits where you can create your own dildos using your penis as a mold.
How Long Does Anal Training Take?
From start to finish, anal training takes about 4-6 weeks. You should plan to use each of the three sized dilators in your kit for two weeks. You’re probably thinking: who has that kind of time?! Fortunately, each session only lasts 3-5 minutes (and are done 2-3 times per week) and if you want to use the time to also pleasure yourself and get off–there’s a good chance you’ll look forward to your exercises.
Often times, sex is spontaneous. But bottoming isn’t something that you can just jump right into (or onto). It takes time practicing and getting to know your body (and your partner’s). If you treat your booty right, the rewards are endless. When you’re ready for your bottoming debut and are looking for a great way to feel prepared (from a freshness perspective), opt for our body-safe Disposable Rectal Wash, and if you’re looking for a way to pamper your booty in between sessions, our Soothing Cream will moisturize, replenish, and restore the delicate skin in between your cheeks.
Want to get started on your anal training journey? Future Method has got you covered, use discount code FMAG15 for 15% off. *Fine print: only valid on new purchases. One per person. Excludes subscriptions & bundles/kits. Cannot be combined with other promo codes or with other automatic discounts. Expires 4/30/22 at 11:59pm EST.
About Dr. Evan Goldstein
Dr. Evan Goldstein is the Co-Founder of Future Method and the Founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical, the leading private practice in health and wellness for gay men. He received his MD from the University of Medicine and Dentistry School of Osteopathic Medicine. Dr. Goldstein is the go-to butt and bottoming expert, having been published in Huffington Post, Men’s Health, Healthline, and more.
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