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How Real is Porn? Sex in Porn vs Sex in Real Life

2022-07-27
min read
How Real is Porn? Sex in Porn vs Sex in Real Life

If you’ve ever watched a sexy couple hook up on screen and wondered, ‘How real is porn,’ you’re not alone. Sex in porn often looks effortless, whereas sex in real life can be messy, awkward, and sometimes silly.

Porn happens on a set — it can be filmed with fancy lighting, scripts, and paid actors who perform for their careers. Even amateur porn or porn performed by real-life couples is a performance: couples know when they’re recording themselves, so you might not see things you experience in your own bedroom.

How real is porn? 10 things you see in real life that you don’t (usually) see in porn

 

1. Non-erect penises

In porn, you usually see penises that are hard all the time. In real life? Erections come and go. Sometimes, erections don’t happen at all. That’s perfectly normal. Luckily, there’s plenty of fun to be had, with or without an erect penis involved. Just ask Daisy and Leya. 😉

2. Breaks

When you’re having sex IRL, it’s normal to take breaks: for water, for more lube, for conversations, and for cuddles. In porn, you usually only see the sex. But breaks can be sexy and fun, too!

3. Conversations about birth control and STIs

With your real-life partners, it’s totally normal (and healthy!) to be mid-hookup and slow things down for a minute (or before you get started) to chat about contraception, STI status, and comfort with risks. Just because you don’t see it in porn doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it IRL. For a fun and sexy video involving lots of latex barrier methods, check out Rubber.

4. Cum clean-up

Sure, you might see cum shots in erotic films. But you don’t usually see the cleanup that happens after. Or the tight-legged, dripping waddle to the bathroom. Sex in real life is messy! And that’s okay.

5. Bodily functions

Sweat, farting, queefing, and periods are all normal bodily functions, but in porn, you don’t usually see these. Know that it’s okay to be a human during sex! Sweaty and salty can be hot. Farting and queefing can be a way to laugh and connect with your partner. And period sex can be awesome. We’ve even got an eduporn film that show’s you how to have period sex.

6. Lube

Did you know lube can help prevent micro-tears in your vagina or rectum, and therefore reduces the risk of STI transmission? Yep, lube is pretty great! It’s also correlated with greater female sexual well-being. It can increase sexual pleasure and add fun, new slippery sensations to your sex life. If you’ve never played with lube before, we recommend giving it a go, even if you don’t usually see it in porn.

7. Giggles

Porn can make sex seem really serious. But in real life, sex can be silly, too! Giggle with your partner when the dick or strap-on slides out by accident. Or when you try role playing and can’t quite get into character. Or when you unfortunately hit your head a little too hard against the headboard. It’s okay to laugh and still have a sexy time, together.

8. Body diversity

You might notice that a lot of bodies you see represented in porn look the same. In real life? There’s so much diversity. Of race, ability, height, genitalia, pubic hair, dick size, labia length, and so much more. Your body is gorgeous exactly as it is. If you want a reminder that all vulvas are stunning, check out the sexy film, Love Your Cunt.

9. Conversations about consent

On porn sets, conversations about consent usually happen off-screen. That means you don’t get to see the actors talking to each other about their boundaries, needs, comfort levels, and safe words. These conversations are super important, both on porn sets and in real life.

10. Ongoing relationships

Porn films don’t often involve a lot of backstory, and even if they do, you don’t really see long-term or ongoing relationships. You don’t see negotiations involved if one partner wants to have sex and the other isn’t in the mood. You don’t see people’s desires and preferences with their partners changing over time.

In real life? It’s totally normal for sexual relationships to wax and wane, for preferences to change, or for libido to go up or down. This can be part of a meaningful sexual relationship with someone. That said, if you want help navigating conversations with your partner about sex or to ask for something new or different, we’ve got a guide to help.

The bottom line? Porn and real life sex can look different, and that’s okay

 

It’s awesome to use porn as a fun form of entertainment, to learn from porn, and to watch porn with partners. But it’s important to remember that whatever is happening in your body and your bedroom is okay, even if you don’t see it on-screen.

The point is to have fun, not to try to look perfect. Real is more important than perfect, anyway.


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