Written by Althaea July

Esmé appears on screen with an offering; fresh ingredients for tonight’s meal and a shy smile for her host, Andre. In a sun-drenched kitchen, Andre prepares dinner while confidently seducing her guest. As you watch Esmé get on her knees with a double-ended dildo, it becomes clear that dinner won’t be the only thing that’s hot, satisfying, and dripping with olive oil!

What you can learn 

• What sensual, romantic power exchange can look like
• How to explore double-ended or strap-on dildo play
• How dominant partners can both give and receive
• How to try fisting when you or your partner has a vulva
• How to check consent without interrupting the flow
• When acts of service are both foreplay and aftercare

Key themes

• Lesbian
• Soft Dom
• Food Play

Power exchange 

Who doesn’t love a sexy power dynamic? Andre’s confident body language shows us she’s a natural top, i.e. the more dominant partner in a queer or kinky relationship. But she also embodies the idea that tops can be soft, they can both give and receive, all without relinquishing their dominance.

When someone takes control in a sexual scenario, it’s known as ‘power exchange’. They become the dominant (dom), while the other partner becomes submissive (sub). But power exchange doesn’t have to be hardcore. In fact, it can be feel pretty sensual and romantic.

Yes, Andre bites Esmé’s nipple and fucks her with a strap-on. She also kisses Esmé passionately and treats her to a home cooked meal. It’s a beautiful reminder that taking the lead in a relationship can actually be nurturing – a way to momentarily relieve your partner of responsibility. 

Notice how both women check in with each other before progressing the scenario, too. Next time you’re having sex, try asking something like “Can I lick you [here]?” or “I really want to see you ride this dildo, would you like that?”

It’s not so different from dirty talk, but it gives your partner a chance to change the pace or reassure you that they’re having fun. All it takes is a quick nod to say “Yes, please keep going!” – it doesn’t interrupt the flow or kill the mood.

And when you’re done, don’t forget the aftercare. I’m borrowing another term from BDSM here, but aftercare is pretty important in any relationship. It’s an opportunity to debrief on what you liked (or didn’t like), have a cuddle to feel safe, or just make sure you’re both hydrated.

For Andre and Esmé, eating dinner together is aftercare. Here, you can see them laughing, kissing, and feeling connected. I love that they’re replenishing on carbs after all that action!

Playing with dildos

The beautiful thing about dildos is their versatility. With so many colours, sizes, and textures available, these toys fit right into any sexual scenario – whether you’re playing solo, as a same sex couple, or in a hetero relationship. 

Of course, sex doesn’t have to be penetrative to “count”, and both Andre and Esmé can clearly satisfy each other without the need for toys. But it’s interesting to see them act out a blowjob fantasy – what a creative way to use a double-ended dildo!

This is all part of the power exchange between them, as Andre rides one end of the dildo while Esmé is on her knees, licking and sucking Andre’s “cock” in an act of worship.

Even if you’re in a hetero relationship where penis-in-vagina sex is an option, you or your partner might find it pretty erotic to watch each other use a dildo. Similarly, some straight couples enjoy the switch in power dynamic that comes with pegging, which is when a woman penetrates a man anally, using a strap-on dildo.

But do me a favour and use lube. Apart from olive oil, it’s not obvious whether Esmé and Andre use any. Keep oil to external body parts only and use lube for penetration – it’s body safe, longer-lasting, and will protect you from the friction caused by vigorous penetration.

Fisting

One of the biggest misconceptions about fisting is that it’s done with a closed fist and goes deep, like elbow deep. Hell no.

When Andre fists Esmé, you’ll notice two crucial things: One, her hand is pretty much flat. Two, she goes super, super slowly, waiting for Esmé’s nod of approval before sliding deeper, and stops at the heel of her hand.

If you’re excited by the idea of fisting, good for you! Vaginas are very elastic by design and can’t be permanently stretched out by penetration. That said, there are some tips to keep in mind…

First, it goes without saying that you should always ask before you fist anyone. 

It also helps if the receiver is very turned on and relaxed before you start. Enjoy lots of sexy foreplay – you can even bring your partner climax first – and use heaps of lube. The vagina’s natural wetness can dry up even when you’re aroused, so lube is essential for keeping things good and slippery. 

Start with one or two fingers, making sure the vagina is wet, relaxed, and ready. As your partner moans with pleasure, ask “Do you want more?” before inserting any more fingers. Make a small trowel shape with your hand, rather than a fist. Pay attention to the sounds of arousal and pleasure – if you notice any discomfort just stop and slowly remove your hand.

Did you notice?

Andre and Esmé both carry out little acts of service throughout the film – from cooking a meal to getting on their knees to pleasure each other. It reminds us that foreplay often starts way before the bedroom, especially when you’re in a relationship.

Small gestures like not turning up to dinner empty handed, or taking a moment to give your partner a passionate kiss ‘hello’ – these things help you feel connected. Building this trust and intimacy between you makes incredible sex much more likely.

Fun fact

Andre is a sex educator and coach who frequently speaks at events on her experiences as an adult performer and member of the kink community.  She also facilitates workshops on topics like group sex, fisting, and polyamory. You can find out more on their website.

Questions to consider

• Was the proximity of food and sex a turn on for you?
• Did the film make you think about Dom/sub dynamics differently?
• Do you find acts of service, like cooking a meal or doing other practical tasks, a turn-on in a partner?
• How did you feel about seeing a lesbian couple act out a blowjob fantasy?
• Are you interested trying anything you saw – whether that’s fisting, squirting, or something else?
• Did the portrayal of squirting seem realistic to you? How does it compare to any other portrayals you’ve seen before?
• What does ‘aftercare’ look like to you? How do you incorporate that into your sex life?
• What would you consider to be the L’Ingrediente Principal – the main ingredient – in the film?