How to Finger a Woman: The Tips You Need (From Porn Performers with Vulvas)
Do you know how to finger someone so that they’re putty in your hands? Fingering gets a bad rep as a pretty basic sex move (disclaimer: it’s not). It’s the one that we probably experienced first as teenagers, often in a dark room with someone fumbling around in our pants… Often done badly.
But if you want to know how to finger a woman well. Like really well. Then it’s worth revisiting the big book of fingering tips to brush up on some new, and old, skills.
When it comes to sex, fingering is a lost art. Our fingers are our most agile sex tools and fingering has the potential to be spine-tinglingly pleasurable for the receiver. But it’s a technique that requires finesse and sensitivity. It’s all about finding the right combination of touch and pressure, of teasing and tantalizing.
So, let’s go back to basics and learn how to finger someone with some tips from some of the people who know how to finger best – porn stars with vulvas.
Remember, there is no unanimous agreement on how all women like to be touched. This article can be used as a guide, but ultimately you just have to ask otherwise you’re not going to know.
Fingering can be the main course
In our heteronormative society, fingering—like most foreplay—has gotten a reputation as a warm up act. “Not quite sex”. Well we say nonsense to that. Fingering can absolutely be the main course. A delicious three course dinner of clitoral stimulation, internal pleasure, and even some anal play if you’re feeling adventurous.
Prefer to watch & learn from the experts instead of reading?
Skip the reading and watch How to Have Sex with a Woman on afterglow. Adult performers Daisy Ducati and Leya Falcon answer all your questions and show you how to pleasure a vulva owner.
As you’re watching pay attention to the following:
- Their pre-pleasure conversation
- How Daisy makes sure Leya is sufficiently lubricated before putting her fingers inside
- Daisy’s explanation of how to penetrate with your fingers
- How to combine fingering with oral sex
Then, try it for yourself.
[button link=”https://xoafterglow.com/video/how-to-have-sex-with-a-woman-afterglow-eudporn” type=”big” color=”black” newwindow=”yes”] Watch How to Have Sex with a Woman on afterglow[/button]
Or, read on for all of our top fingering tips.
How to finger
First, prepare your tools
As Leya Falcon advises in How to Have Sex with a Woman, “If you have really long nails, that’s really scary for your pussy”.
You heard her people – trim your nails! If you have acrylic long nails that can’t be cut then *please* stay on the outside of the vulva. You can only imagine how painful a tear can be inside the vagina. It also makes you more open to infections. And on that note, be sure to wash your hands too. The vagina has its own delicate bacterial ecosystem that can be thrown off balance if the remnants of your dinner end up in there.
Start with everything but the genitals
Going right for your partner’s clitoris or vagina might sound like a good move, but it can be a total turn-off. Many vulva owners find this to be a bit of a shock to their system. Take some time to kiss and caress your partner before you get down to business. The more turned on your partner gets, the more blood rushes to their vulva, and the more sensitive their vulva will be.
Build up anticipation by stroking your partners breasts, stomach, and thighs. This can all be done with your fingers or your mouth – the sensation should be light and teasing, building up the anticipation.
Then, move onto the vulva
The clit isn’t the only thing that needs to be looked at: the rest of your partner’s vulva deserves some attention as well. The pubic mound, inner and outer labia, the vaginal opening, and the perineum are all part of the vulva. Each of these areas is touch sensitive and responsive.
Start by slowly painting your fingers over their labia, but stay over their underwear first. Keep teasing them until they’re thrusting their hips into you and asking for more.
Then, and only then, can you remove their underwear.
Continue painting your fingers over their labia, maybe circle their vaginal opening.
Remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Vulvas usually respond well to sensual and slow stimulation. This is due to the fact that it takes at least 15 minutes of stimulation for a vulva-owner to achieve orgasm. Fingering isn’t a game of instant gratification. It’s a story with a beginning, middle, and end.
Then, the clit
Once they’re begging for you to touch their clit, you might start by running a single finger over it. But again don’t rush into it, keep your touches light and teasing (are you noticing a theme here?).
The clit is protected by the clitoral hood – a naturally occurring skin meant to help soften contact since the clit is super sensitive. Just like foreskin covers the head of a penis, the clitoral hood covers the glans clitoris. Going right underneath the hood to the clit is often pretty painful, so you should start touching the clit first over the hood by rubbing it so that the pressure you’re putting on it makes contact with the clit.
Once the receiver starts getting more turned on, the clitoris will swell and this will usually move the hood back so that the clitoris is more exposed. Once this happens you can start to stimulate the clitoris more directly – again with a gentle touch – making circles around it and increasing the pressure as the receiver gets more turned on.
Then move to the vagina
You’re going to have to wait until your partner is properly warmed up, but some people like some penetration as part of their finger play. Before you begin, make sure to ask your partner if it’s OK for you to go inside.
“Start with sliding one finger in slowly with the pad of your fingers rubbing along the front wall of the vagina towards the belly button”, Daisy Ducati explains in How to Have Sex with a Woman.
Don’t start too fast or go top deep too soon. You only have to insert your finger about two inches to reach your partner’s G-spot. And start to make a gentle come hither motion with the pads of your fingers, not your nails. Remember, it’s not a jab, it’s a gente stroke.
Check in with your partner to see if they like what you’re doing. You can ask them if it feels good and if they want you to go faster or slower and deeper or more shallow.
Don’t forget about your thumb
Yep, we evolved to have thumbs for a reason – to stimulate the clit while our fingers are busy inside the vagina. While your fingers are inside of the vagina, you can use the pad of your thumb to gently stimulate the clit.
Fingering is a delicate dance – all clit with no penetration gets old, but all fingering penetration with no clit is also bad. If you can do both at the same time – then you’re on to something.
Extra tips for a pleasurable fingering experience
Lube
“Even if the pussy’s wet, it’s still good to have some extra lubrication” – words to live by from Daisy Ducati in How to Have Sex with a Woman.
If you ever thought that natural lubrication was enough, think again. Vaginal lubrication is subject to our bodies, hormones, hydration, stress and more. Don’t leave it up to chance – you want to make sure there is a lot of lube on hand.
A 2011 study found that in addition to making penetration easier, using lube also enhances sexual pleasure for vulva-owners. So, the more slippery they are, the more satisfying your touch will be.
Watch their bodily cues
If you switch up the rhythm or direction of your touch and your partner’s reactions change or they go quiet, then go back to what you were doing before or try something else. If your partner moans, gasps, their breathing gets heavier, or they tell you that it feels good, then you’re on the right track – stick with it.
Successful fingering comes down to persistent and rhythmic stimulation. If the pace and pressure are working, make sure you keep going – unless your partner asks for something different.
Combine it with something else
For many vulva-owners, fingering feels best in combination with other forms of stimulation. In fact, a 2017 study published in the journal Sex and Marital Therapy found that only 18% of vulva-owners can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. You can combine it with cunnilingus, anal play, nipple play, dirty talk, or sex toys. Speaking of which…
Sex toys
Need a helping hand? There is absolutely no shame in bringing in a toy to help you. In fact, it’s the opposite of shameful – it’s impressive and your partner will thank you for it!
Although fingers are a great tool for small, precise movements and creating a persistent rhythm, toys can add another pleasurable layer to your fingering experience.
If you want to find their g-spot, you can use a toy with a curved or bulbed tip specially designed to massage it while you pay attention to their clit.
Or, you can experiment with using a toy on the clitoris while you internally finger your partner. In this case bullet vibrators are an affordable and accessible option. But remember to only use bullets for external stimulation!
Suck your fingers
If you want to be a bit naughty, then once they’ve climaxed you can suck your fingers and tell them how good they taste. Or, if they want to be the naughty one then let them taste how good they taste instead.
Remember, different strokes for different folks
“The female experience is not universal so it’s very important to ask your partner what they do and don’t like”, Daisy Ducati explains.
Every vulva is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all method for fingering. Keep in mind that every person (and every vulva) is unique. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to fingering because we all have different preferences.
And, never stop learning
If sex is a skill, listening to and learning about your partner’s sexual quirks is the most important part of that skill. Did you know, for example, that some people prefer stimulation on one side of their clitoris? Do you know which side your significant other prefers? Small changes in your fingering technique over time can send your partner beyond orgasm and into a state of sexual bliss. Make it your mission to learn everything you can about how to best pleasure your partner with your fingers.
60% of women are dissatisfied with their sex lives. We’re on a mission to change that.
What if you didn’t have to search to find a body that looks like yours, a sex act that turns you on, or a guided exercise that helps you tell your partner exactly what you’ve been craving?
What if YOUR pleasure came first?