When was the last time you felt sexy? Let’s be real, feeling sexy isn’t always easy when you’re stressed about balancing work, relationships and a social life; your spare time is spent swiping left and right on dating apps; or you’re working from home whilst wearing sweatpants for the third day in a row.

Whatever the cause, a bad day or a bad week (or year) can leave you feeling anything but sexy and disconnected from your body. In those moments, it can be tough to know where to begin to get back to your sexy self. 

In this article, we’ll explore how to feel sexy again when you’re not feeling your best. So, grab a glass of wine, put on some sexy tunes, and let’s get started on this journey to feeling like the fierce, sexy person you truly are.

What does it mean to be sexy? 

Being sexy isn’t about how you look, or what you wear, it’s about the confidence that comes from knowing who you are as a sexual being. It’s not about loving the way that your body looks when you’re wearing sexy lingerie or a LBD, but loving what your body can do and how much pleasure it can give you. It’s about being sexy for yourself, before anyone else. 

Sexy is difficult to define and it’s individual. It’s not a one-size-fits-all category. Search for your own sexy and find a definition that’s singular to you.  

Why you might not be feeling sexy 

Feeling less than sexy can happen for many reasons. It could be due to stress, feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities, or being exhausted. Other factors such as starting new medication or experiencing changes in your body can also play a role. And, for those who menstruate, there may be a certain time in your cycle where you don’t feel your best.

Feeling sexy isn’t something that can be turned on like a light switch. Try to be kind to yourself and recognize that our feelings and bodies are constantly changing. Accepting how you feel in the moment can help you better understand what you need and want, and ultimately lead to a better relationship with your body and sexuality.

How to feel sexy in 10 steps 

There are many different reasons that you may want to feel sexy. How you feel about your body can have a big impact on your overall self-esteem. If you’re not comfortable with your body, you may avoid sexual experiences, being nude, receiving physical touch, or even flirting because you don’t feel like you have permission to enjoy your body.  

When you feel sexy, it can boost your confidence and help you feel more connected to yourself. It’s a way of validating yourself without seeking someone else’s approval. 

You can tap into your seductive side anytime, without having to wait for a date or a romantic evening with someone else. Follow these simple steps to get back in touch with your own personal brand of sexiness. 

1.  Find pleasure in your daily routine 

Pleasure isn’t just about sex and orgasm, it’s anything that makes you feel turned on and more alive.  Most of us go through our days on autopilot but to enhance and tap into your sexual energy, focus on pleasure throughout your life. Invite yourself to slow down and identify what’s pleasurable for you. 

Seek out pleasure each day. In the shower, savor the sensation of the warm water on your body, choose a luxurious scent for your body wash and lather up your body slowly and deliberately. When getting dressed, choose clothes that make you feel good. Savor your morning coffee while you listen to your favorite song or sit in the sunshine, make meals that will nourish your body because it deserves the best, and eat it slowly as you savor each mouthful. 

And when you can, take the time to indulge in activities that make you feel good, whether it’s getting a massage, taking a bubble bath, or buying yourself something special. Spoiling yourself can be an excellent way to feel sexy and pampered.

2. Put on sexy music and move

Yes, we know the benefits of exercise by now. But the real reason to get moving isn’t just to look better, it’s to appreciate all the amazing things your body can do. We move our bodies all day, but it is very rare that we are fully connected to them and what we are doing. Put on some sexy music that you can’t help but shake your booty to and dance like no one’s watching.  

Try the Guided Sensual Movement Exercise on afterglow. Using the elements of earth, air, fire, and water, this exercise will guide you through moving and listening to your body, and it’s an incredibly effective tool to reconnect to your body. 

Then, take a moment to celebrate your body’s strengths and think about all the amazing things you accomplish every day because of it.

3. Focus on your senses  

Anything that brings your attention out of your mind and into your body can increase sensuality. Our busy lifestyles and our fixation on the brain and cognitive thinking means that we can become very detached from our bodies and the sensations that we feel. But our bodies are sensual pleasure machines, all it takes is slowing down and being in the present moment. 

The easiest way to get out of your head and back into your body is by indulging in your senses. Noticing what you smell, see, hear, or taste will help you stay present to get the focus back on how you feel. 

Light candles, use scented oils, or wear your favorite perfume to engage your senses and create a sensual environment. Being present as much as possible will build sensuality overall, so start being more aware of each of your senses in every moment throughout the day. 

4. Masturbate (obvs) but do it mindfully 

Studies have shown that self-pleasure can have a positive effect on self-esteem. But rather than rushing through the process to get off as quickly as you can, break the habit by taking orgasm out of the equation. Explore your entire body with your hands, lube, massage oil or toys for 10-20 minutes without trying to reach orgasm. 

As you get in touch with your body’s unique responses and breathing patterns, you will find that you will be less hung up on the performance and more focused on the pleasure itself. 

Try Pleasure Your Pussy: A Guided Masturbation on afterglow for a guided mindful masturbation. Sit back, relax, and let us guide you through a variety of ways of touching, stroking, massaging and delighting your pussy with your hands. This is an invitation to deepen your connection to yourself and tap into the power of your sexuality.  

Read next: What is Guided Masturbation? And Why You Should Practice It

5. Get to know your turn ons 

Get to know what turns you on, not just when you want to have an orgasm but to nourish your sexy side. Read an erotic story, watch a hot movie, or check out some ethical porn. Allow yourself to daydream about your deepest desires and then let this sexual energy remain with you throughout the day.

If you’re not sure where to start when it comes to what turns you on, then check out Discover your Desires with an Erotic Body Scan on afterglow. You’ll be guided through sexual scenarios to help you identify your desires. All you need is your imagination and a willingness to get sexy.

6. Get curious and learn something new 

Get curious and learn about a new kink or sex technique. Listen to sex positive podcasts such as F*cks Given by ComeCurious, The Sex & Psychology Podcast, or Savage Lovecast.   

Read books that teach you about your body such as The Body is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self Love by Sonya Renee Taylor. Or about different types of relationships such as The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. 

Learn about new sex techniques that you want to try or you think you might be interested in. Always been interested in shibari? Look for a workshop in your local area. Want to know how to squirt? Check out How to Squirt on afterglow and the rest of the eduporn series for a range of educational and explicit videos for adults. 

Read next: What is an Eduporn? The Explicit Sex Ed You Need

7. Practice positive self-talk & limit negative self-talk 

Tell yourself that you’re beautiful, sexy, and worthy of pleasure. Remind yourself of all the things you love about your body and focus on the things that make you feel good. Repeat affirmations or make a list in your journal each day of all the things you love about yourself.  

Become aware of your negative self-talk. When you notice it, acknowledge it without judgment, and then gently challenge it. Ask yourself if it is based on fact or simply your perception. Look for evidence that contradicts it and focus on positive aspects of yourself instead.

8. Get naked 

In your daily routine, you might only be nude for brief moments like when you shower or get dressed. But getting naked for longer periods of time can help you feel more comfortable and connected with your body. When you’re in the buff, you can see and feel your body more fully, which can help you appreciate and accept it for what it is. This can lead to greater self-confidence and a more positive body image, which can help you feel more sexy. 

So, strip down, prance around the house, and admire yourself in the mirror. Sleep naked, cook naked, watch TV naked! It’s a great way to remind yourself of what you look like and appreciate your body.

Try the Sensual Dressing for Self Love exercise on afterglow to build inner confidence and learn how to take your clothes off in a slow and sensual manner for yourself. Look in the mirror and see just how sexy you are. Positive body image is a practice, not a destination, and this exercise will allow you to confront any judgements you may have about your body.  

3, 2, 1, let’s get naked! 

9. Then, take nudes for yourself 

Grab that phone, and take some sexy nude photos for your eyes only. As women, we spend a lot of time experiencing through someone else’s gaze. Taking nudes for yourself can help you experience yourself objectively with compassionate curiosity. They can also help you see that you look hot as hell. 

Keeping your own stash of sexy photos is also a fun secret that can help you feel more sexually confident. And it’s a reminder that you’re sexy for yourself, without feeling like you need someone else’s approval. 

Let an expert help you with our afterglow exercise How to Take Sexy Selfies. From the best lighting to our favorite poses to try, this exercise will help you set up a shoot for sexy success. 

10. Diversify the images of beauty you consume 

What do you see when you’re scrolling on Instagram? If it’s mostly one body type belonging to that of the typical Instagram influencer, it’s time to switch it up. 

It’s important to diversify the images of beauty you see because it helps you break free from narrow and unrealistic beauty standards that can negatively impact your self-esteem and body image. When you are constantly bombarded with a narrow definition of beauty, it can make you feel like you don’t measure up or that there’s something wrong with you. Seeing diverse images of beauty can help you embrace and celebrate your unique features and appreciate the beauty in others who may not fit traditional beauty standards.

Diversify the images of beauty you see by intentionally seeking out media and content that feature diverse bodies and faces. This can include following social media accounts, websites, and blogs that showcase diverse models, athletes, and influencers. You can also consume media that prioritizes diversity in their advertising and editorial content, such as magazines and TV shows.

By diversifying the images of beauty you see, you can expand your understanding of what beauty can look like and learn to appreciate the beauty in all people, including yourself.

Want to diversify the bodies you see in porn? Watch The Vulva Love Compilation on afterglow for a celebration of all the beautiful and diverse vulvas in porn. Porn is supposed to make you feel good, not self conscious, and when porn portrays a diversity of vulvas, you can see your own as sexy, handsome, or beautiful.  

You did it! 

Congratulations, you’ve made the decision to embrace and embody your own sexual power, on your own terms. You radiate the essence of a sex goddess, and those who are fortunate enough to bask in your presence are blessed by even a small fraction of your glowing energy.

60% of women are dissatisfied with their sex lives. We’re on a mission to change that.

What if you didn’t have to search to find a body that looks like yours, a sex act that turns you on, or a guided exercise that helps you tell your partner exactly what you’ve been craving?

What if YOUR pleasure came first?

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