What’s your first memory of self-pleasure? 

Was it exciting? Confusing? Was it tied up in guilt or shame?

For many people, masturbation was (and still is) an extremely taboo topic, growing up. It was something you did silently, in the dark, when you were absolutely sure no one would catch you. Or maybe you didn’t do it at all.

The shame is REAL.

Sexuality and shame are, unfortunately, intertwined in our society. So, as adults, most of us have to unlearn the damaging ideas we were taught about sex before we can establish a healthy relationship with someone else, let alone ourselves.

But, the good news is, solo sex is actually an amazing tool for healing the guilt you feel around sexuality and the shame you may feel about your body. There are a lot of benefits of female masturbation.  

Developing a healthy masturbation routine can help you to get to know yourself on a deeper level so that you can have more confidence in who you are, have better relationships with the people you care about AND know your boundaries. And according to one study, can even unlock altered states of consciousness.

So let’s take a deep dive into how using masturbation to explore your sexuality can change your life…

[button link=”https://xoafterglow.com/video/pleasure-your-pussy-a-guided-practice” type=”big” color=”black” newwindow=”yes”] Pleasure Your Pussy Guided Exercise[/button]

Reconnect with your genitals

Many people, especially people with vulvas, feel disconnected from their genitals. The unrealistic expectations that have been set in porn can make people believe that there’s something wrong with them, or like their genitals aren’t ‘good enough.’

People with vulvas are also less likely to know what their genitals look like at all. Unlike people with penises, they can go their whole lives without ever looking at their vulvas.

All that combined with the general sexual shame thrust upon us by society, means that people may not have the coziest relationship with their genitals.

One of the benefits of female masturbation is that you can start to reconnect with your genitals by paying more attention to what they look like, the pleasure they provide you and the power they represent. When we appreciate our genitals for what they provide, instead of casting judgment, we begin to heal the divide.

✨SOLO SEX TIP: Give your junk the respect it deserves and try masturbating in front of a full length mirror, so you can see EVERYTHING! It may feel weird at first, but it can be super hot

Take control of your pleasure

Often, we’re made to believe that it’s up to our partners to bring us pleasure. We’re told that our partner is responsible for our orgasms and if they can’t make us orgasm, they’re bad in bed or a selfish lover.

But, for someone to bring you to orgasm, you first need to know how to bring yourself to orgasm. 

Not only is it helpful for partnered sex, because you can communicate what you want; it’s also really empowering to take control of your own pleasure and your own needs.

Having a consistent solo sex routine can make you feel more confident in your ability to take care of yourself AND you’ll love and appreciate yourself more when you see yourself as the purveyor of your own pleasure.

✨SOLO SEX TIP: Take your time to explore your body before diving straight into the good stuff. Caress different parts of your body and see what types of touch feel good to you that day. Use different types of pressure, speed and contact (nails, palms, fingertips) to play around.

Know what you want

One of the benefits of female masturbation is that it can give you more insight into what you like in bed. This helps you develop your boundaries and communicate your needs with partners.

The more you explore, the better you’ll know exactly what it is that you’re into. And the exploration is the fun part! You can try different positions, different types of porn or even different toys.

Vibrators have become a staple for most people with vulvas. In a study for The Journal of Sexual Medicine, they found that vibrator use among women “is common [and] associated with health-promoting behaviors and positive sexual function…”

Knowing what you want in sexual experiences can help you feel more confident going into them. It’s especially helpful for people who have experienced sexual trauma, to know exactly what’s on the table and what isn’t when exploring sex with a partner.

✨SOLO SEX TIP: Try watching new porn and take note of things you might want to try. Make a list of things that you’d definitely be into, a list of things that are a maybe and a list of things that you’re not interested in. This helps establish a rough idea of your sexual interests and boundaries.

Exploring your sexuality through masturbation has a ton of benefits, both physically and psychologically, but the biggest benefit has to be that you’re adding more pleasure into your day to day life. Because, honestly, who couldn’t use a little more pleasure?