What you can learn from Estallar:

• Touch as essential for connection & well-being
• Vibrators are amazing for women’s orgasms, and can be used with partners
• Lesbian sex isn’t about someone acting out a male role–it’s about both pleasuring each other in the way women love to be pleasured
• During a sexual encounter, you can focus on one person’s pleasure exclusively, or you can both be pleasuring each other simultaneously

Here are some themes covered in Estallar that you may have noticed:

• Sensual touch
• Fantasy
• Women’s external stimulation

Sensual Touch

In Estallar, we see Anahi’s craving for touch and companionship, and how the lack of it is making her despondent. She tries to satisfy this desire with self pleasure and masturbation, but she still has an intense need for human connection and sexual connection with another person. While she masturbates and has an orgasm,,this still doesn’t give her the human connection she’s so craving.

When her (imaginary) lover, Alba,enters the picture, she  fulfills those needs by spending time and slowly licking Anahi’s body, and giving her what she’s been craving. When a lover touches us, oxytocin is released. While both partnered sex and masturbation can trigger the release of oxytocin, research suggests that partnered sex generally leads to a higher release of oxytocin due to the increased social and emotional intimacy involved, compared to self-stimulation alone. 

Alba sensually explores Anahi’s body, including kissing all her erogenous zones like breasts, butt-cheeks, even toes. Alba takes her time, building anticipation for Anahi.

Fantasy

When Anahi’s lover enters the picture, it’s unclear if Alba is real or just part of Anahi’s imagination. Either way, she arrives to fulfill her fantasies. We vividly see what Anahi has been longing for in a sexual encounter, for somebody else to bring her pleasure. Fantasy is a powerful tool, both alone and with a partner. Our imagination can really enhance our sexual arousal. According to Justin Lehmiller’s research, people’s experiences sharing and acting on fantasies is generally positive. Sharing and acting on fantasies is also shown to boost libido.  Fantasy is not reality, but can take pleasure to a whole new level. If you’re not sure where to start, watching porn with a partner can be a great way to explore fantasies together.

Women’s external stimulation

Often in mainstream films, the focus is on women being orgasmic through penetration. There’s sometimes some external stimulation, but mostly the focus is on shots of the penis going in and out of the vagina. In Estallar, sex is totally different, and much more representative of how women experience pleasure. In my research, 0-4% of women say penetration alone is their most reliable route to orgasm. The others say that their most reliable route to orgasm is external stimulation alone or external stimulation coupled with penetration. In Estallar, women orgasming from external stimulation alone is highlighted and beautifully portrayed. This demonstrates that there is no need for anything to enter a woman’s vagina for her to orgasm. Instead, we see more authentic sex acts like Don grinding her partner’s leg and Don and her partner using her fingers (and a vibrator) to excite one another and stimulate each other to orgasm. While this film portrays two women, the techniques they use and the focus on external stimulation can and should be incorporated into heterosexual sex. The lesson here is that for women’s pleasure, external stimulation is as much– if not more–sex than penetration.

Did you notice?

When Anahi and her partner were pleasuring each other, her partner orgasmed while pleasuring Anahi. This is uncommon, as having an orgasm requires a total immersion and complete focus on your own physical sensations and is thus difficult when trying to also focus on somebody else. One of the reasons lesbian sex is so orgasmic is because of turn taking. which allows each partner to fully focus on these sensations. While partners certainly can stimulate one another at the same time, the idea of actually cumming at the same time as being “ideal” is actually preventing couples from having the most powerful experience. It’s also totally unrealistic — there’s just too much going on when you are stimulating your partner at the same time you are about to orgasm and actually orgasming!

Fun Fact

Research shows that when women have sex with other women, they orgasm more than when they have sex with men. The reasons are:

• A focus on external stimulation
• Taking more time
• Turn taking
• More communication of what they like
• An attitude of orgasm centrality – the idea that my orgasm is central to the experience

All of these (except communication) were shown in this film, though turn taking could have been portrayed better during the height of orgasm.

Questions to consider

• How can you incorporate grinding into your sex life?
• How can you not revolve a sexual encounter around penetration?
• What would it be like to have partnered sex without penetration?
• How can you use vibrators in your sexual encounters?

Ready to get started? Join afterglow here.