Here are some themes covered in Domliest Dom that you may have noticed:

• Masturbation – She used him as a tool to masturbate herself.
• Hook Ups – Casual doesn’t mean thoughtless. These two had a good amount of communication prior to the scene so they both knew exactly what game they were playing.
• Women on Top – You don’t have to physically be on top to top. She was energetically in charge even when she was on the bottom.
• BDSM – Domming isn’t all about hard edges and control. Being a Dom(me) is about having responsibility more than it is about having power over someone.

Sensation Play

Like all play, sensation play releases a ton of chemicals that are important to understand, both to protect yourself and play responsibly. This includes the ability to temporarily handle more pain (and potentially more easily hurt yourself or others) as well as making you/your play partner(s) more sensitive to stimuli, etc.

Understanding the cocktail of play helps everyone have a better time:

• Norepinephrine makes you feel energetic and euphoric.
• Adrenaline, a part of creating the fight or flight stress response, decreases your ability to feel pain as well as increasing strength and performance. An easy way to really hurt yourself or others if not taken into consideration.
• Dopamine lights up our “pleasure pathway” and is commonly referred to as the Reward Chemical.
• Prolactin inhibits dopamine intake and majorly increases sensitivity. That feeling when something feels “too intense.”
• Melatonin is a calming hormone that can make you feel tired.

Oxytocin is commonly known as The Love Hormone and creates a close bond with whomever you’re playing with, which is why it’s important to be intentional about the when, where, why, how, and with whom you do so.

Negotiation and Communication

These are essential ingredients in any and all BDSM dynamics and power play. While I would have loved to see the pre-scene negotiation more explicitly represented so we understood more clearly that the rules of the game weren’t being changed mid-scence (a BIG no-no in BDSM), there were still lots of yummy things to uncover, and I’m not just talking about Isabel’s tits.

I love an acronym and there are a couple good ones I like to highlight when it comes to pre-scene negotiation frameworks. Think of these like an invitation to play, a mutual navigation and collaboration, more than a clinical or legal negotiation. Conversation is lubrication when done intentionally. Knowing all of the following can help everyone feel more confident and comfortable which enables pleasure.

RBDSM:

• Relationship – what is your current relationship dynamic and agreements? Who could potentially be impacted by how you play now?
• Boundaries – what do you not want to do?
• Desires – what do you want to do?
• Sexual History – this includes current STI status, whether or not you play barrier-free with anyone, when your last STI test was and the results, and what your exposure or unwanted pregnancy plan is.
• Meaning – what does this connection mean to you?

BREATHGASM:

• Boundaries and Limits – hard limits (absolute no), soft limits (maybe but not right now, can verbally flirt but don’t actually do it), any current relationship dynamic boundaries, do you want any boundaries pushed and what does that look like for you?
• Risks – part of informed consent is making sure everyone involved knows and understands the risks of what you might do; do not assume a YES means they actually understand the risks of participating.
• Emotional Triggers – person, objects, memories, smell, situation, sound that causes negative reaction most often associated with Trauma/trauma. We don’t always know what they are ahead of time, so what do you need if you are triggered? Tops/Dom(me)s can also be triggered.
• Activities – what are we including in our scene and at what intensity level; where is okay, if anywhere, to leave marks?
• Touch – what kind of touch and where is acceptable during play and after, cuddles and soft touch can be a part of aftercare, what does sexual touch mean to you?
• Health Concerns – current state of the mind and body as it could affect play; kink can be therapeutic but that should be addressed and not be your only way of processing.
• Goal – how does everyone want to feel at the end of the experience?
• Aftercare – an important part of any intimate experience, especially a BDSM/kink scene as the brain chemicals start to level out; equally important for the Top/Dom(me) and Bottom/sub to receive/experience.
• Safe Words and Gestures – some people can go non-verbal during pleasure or can be restricted from speaking in some way at times (what on earth could cock–I mean cause that?) so make sure to have a verbal and non-verbal safe word/gesture.
• Mood – knowing the mood of the scene helps you craft it to create that for/with your sub/partner; related to Goal. And what mood are you in right now?

Another way to remember BREATHGASM is through the mnemonic acronym GRHBATAEMS, created by Miss Mackenzee:

• Great
• Relationships
• Happen
• Because
• Actions,
• Time,
• And
• Experiences
• Mean
• Something

Remember to have at least some form of communication and pre-negotiation ahead of any play, but especially anything in the BDSM or kink space. Absolutely NO negotiation or renegotiation should take place after play has begun due to the impact on your brain and decision-making capabilities by the chemicals listed above.

Did you notice…

• Him quickly examine the space upon entering the room? He knows his responsibility as the Dom is to take care of every detail of the experience for his sub and that includes making sure he understands and has control over the scene’s environment.
• The pre-negotiation that took place? It seemed like he just walked in and without speaking, had his way with her, but that’s ONLY because they pre-negotiated everything about her desired scene beforehand–that’s what she was typing on the computer at the beginning after looking through his profile.
• He showed her every sensation item before using it on her body–feather duster, rope, toy car, etc.
• What other senses of hers in addition to touch he engaged in the sensation play? Not just touch, he used sight, sound, and taste, and the restriction of each.
• Rope isn’t just for tying. She used it as a tool for sensation play between her fingers against his cock.

Questions to consider

• What does aftercare look like for me?
• Which of my senses am I or am I not interested in exploring more sensually and/or sexually? Why? Why not? Try this guided sensorial workshop as a starting point.
  • Taste
  • Touch
  • Sound
  • Sight
  • Smell
  • Intuition