When you’re in a relationship, it can be a challenge to keep prioritizing intimacy with your partner. Often, intimacy starts to taper off after a period of time, for any number of reasons, so here is a game you can create with your partner to keep the passion and fire alive.

In order to get started, you will need the following:

• Notecards
• Pen / marker
• 4 envelopes
• Your collection of sex toys (if applicable)
• An open, creative, and playful mind

In order for Sex Roulette to be effective, BOTH people need to be committed to cultivating more intimacy in the relationship and committed to playing the game EVERY DAY. Sex Roulette is also designed to fit your lifestyle, so even if you’re busy, you can set aside 5 minutes a day to play with your partner. 

Now let’s get into the juicy details!

**The following is the written-out version of this audio exercise, if this is this if your preferred medium**

Hi! It’s so good to be here with you today, I’m Kayla Yoder, and I’m super excited to share this fun and juicy game with you! If you implement it as suggested, I promise you can expect more pleasure, intimacy and play in your life and in your relationship. So let’s get started.

Step 1:

Make a list of sexual or intimate activities that you really enjoy doing together.

For example, this might be partner A using a toy on partner B, or partner B going down on partner A, 69, a sensual massage, cuddling. Be specific with this list. So even if you both love receiving oral sex, I invite you to write down oral sex as two separate activities. Partner A giving to partner B and also partner B giving to partner A. And write EVERYTHING down. That thing you love that you’ve never verbally expressed to your partner? When they trace your body with their tongue? When they massage your breasts and suck on your nipples? When you have a hot makeout and dry hump? When they bite your ass and thighs? Write it all down.

Step 2:

Make a list of sexual or intimate activities you have a desire to try with your partner.

Maybe you say, baby, I have a desire for you to blindfold me and have your way with my body. Or, I have a desire to tie you up and tease you until you’re begging me to come. Or I have a desire for you to hold me gently and look into my eyes as you kiss every inch of my body. Or, I have a desire to try dirty talk. I have a desire to role play with you dressing up as the pizza delivery guy and then fucking me while I eat pizza. I have a desire to try mutual masturbation. I have a desire for you to call me your dirty little slut while you fuck me from behind and fully claim me as yours. 

These are just some ideas to get you started. But the sky’s the limit! Really sit with your partner and make a list of things you want to try together. I know this can be really scary – maybe you’re nervous they’ll judge you or that they won’t want to do these things with you. And that’s okay. That’s part of the process. And in just sharing these desires with each other, you will already be cultivating deeper intimacy and trust. Encourage each other to be fully open, honest in a space that’s judgment-free. Again, just because your partner expresses certain desires, that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to fulfil them. But do your best to keep an open mind. 

After you write down everything you want to try together, move onto…

Step 3:

Choose different time containers. I recommend 5, 15, 30, and 60+ minute containers. These different amounts of time will allow you to experience intimacy even if you only have 5 minutes, but will also allow for longer more exploratory sex sessions. 

Now it’s time to place each of your activities into a time container. Everything that you’ve written down – the activities that you already do together that you both really love and also any new desires that you both want to try together, write all of them down and put them into a time container. Maybe cuddling, a makeout, or foot massage could be a 5 minute activity. 69, oral sex, or breast massage could be 15 minutes. Maybe testing out a new toy could be 30 minutes. More exploratory desires would likely fit into the 60+ minute category. Keep in mind that when you’re trying new things, it might be a bit nerve racking or emotional and you’ll want to make sure you have enough time to really get into it, play and process afterward.

Step 4:

Once you have chosen your time containers and categorized all of your activities accordingly, write them down on notecards. Put the time category (i.e. 15 minutes) on one side and the activity on the other side. Then, sort all of the notecards into their respective time categories and place them in an envelope labelled with that time container.

Step 5:

Once the game has been created, with all the activities written on notecards and sorted into their time containers, the game is ready to play!

Now how exactly do you play this game? It’s quite simple. Every day, either spontaneously or scheduled into your calendars (whichever you prefer), you and your partner randomly select a card out of an envelope based on how much time you have that day. And regardless of whether or not you’re in the mood to do whatever is on the card, you do it anyway. 

And I encourage you to get creative! Maybe you have 50 minutes. Pick a card from the 5 minute category, the 15 minute category AND the 30 minute category. Mix and match! 

This game is designed to be a fun, playful way to stay connected to your partner even when you only have a few minutes a day. Intimacy is so often dropped off when life gets busy, but you’d be surprised how big a difference 5 minutes a day can make in your relationship. 

This game is also a great way to explore new desires. So often, it can feel really vulnerable and uncomfortable to share new desires, and even if your partner agrees to try them, then it can feel awkward to initiate. With this game, no one has the pressure to initiate new desires because you create the game together, agree on what the options are, and then you randomly pick a card each day. Your only job is to do whatever is on the card. Simple as that. The initiation part is taken care of, so you can both relax and just enjoy being present with each other.

And finally, Sex Roulette is a way to integrate more diversity into your sex and intimacy. Instead of doing the same thing over and over again, the game provides an opportunity to mix things up again and ignite the fire between you, rather than staying stuck in the same old routine.

I also encourage you to continue adding activities to the cards and grow the game as you learn more about what turns you on, what turns your partner on, and what new desires may arise through playing. This is a never ending game that you and your partner can continue to build on for years to come.

Most importantly, remember to have fun, keep an open mind and stay committed to each other throughout the process. Now go play and enjoy it.

Thanks so much for being here with me today, I’m Kayla Yoder, Pleasure Instigator and Sexuality coach – I’ll see you next time.

Kayla Yoder is a pleasure instigator & sexuality coach for women who have a desire to explore with women. She empowers women to break free from their conditioning, start claiming their sexual power, and experience greater intimacy and connection. Kayla is a trailblazer who challenges herself and her clients to be the best versions of themselves and show up unapologetically.

Through coaching, workshops, and speaking, Kayla helps women get clear on their desires, release their fears and inhibitions, love themselves unconditionally, confidently ask for what they want, embrace their pleasure, and live a fully-expressed life.