Written by Lacey Bond

So what did you think of Birthday?

For Kali’s birthday, desire itself becomes a gift. Welcomed by Marcus Quillan, Master Aaron, and Vera Violette, she finds Marcus himself presented to her as a delicious, submissive treat. What begins as curious, playful indulgence grows into a delicious foursome of lingering blindfolds, drawn-out teasing, and the thrill of surrender.

What You Can Learn from Birthday

• What Dominance and Submission (the D/S in BDSM) look like in group play
• How bondage helps build anticipation, and can put you in a submissive mindset 
• Sensory deprivation can heighten your other senses – and your sense of anticipation and buildup
• Pre-planning makes for the smoothest play sessions (group or surprise)

Key Themes

• Bondage, Control, and Sensory Play
• Sexy Surprises
• Getting into group play

Bondage, Control, and Sensory Play

Marcus is in a submissive role as soon as we see him: bound, blindfolded, and kneeling on the floor like a good boy. Although he arranged this surprise, Kali is clearly dominant and in control of the scene as soon as she enters, lightly teasing Marcus before she  greets their companions with a kiss. Marcus is totally at their mercy – he can’t move or touch, but he can hear, feel, taste and smell… and more intensely. Being blindfolded like this instills a sense of anticipation and keeps you in the moment. When you can’t see where your lover is, you can’t anticipate a touch, a kiss, or a slap – all you can do is react to whatever they wish to dole out (within agreed-upon limits, of course). People with a visual impairment tend to have stronger hearing thanks to the brain’s neuroplasticity, and research suggests that temporary deprivation of sight via blindfolding increases hearing sensitivity, as is the case in this Canadian study.

Sexy Surprises

Marcus surprises Kali with a fully curated sexy foursome – he’s set the stage for her to walk in and assume her role for the scene. Kali, Marcus, Master Aaron, and Vera all share an understanding of what to do and expect – perhaps they play together like this often, or perhaps it’s a first-time encounter arranged by Marcus. Either way, they’re all working from a playbook they developed together.

To pull off a successful surprise for your partner (or partners), make sure you’ve touched base on whatever types of play, people, or toys they’d want on the table. Think of it as planning a buffet – you don’t have to eat every single thing on the table, but you know you’ll like all the options at the feast.

You should have a good idea of what your partner’s tastes, needs, and desires are when you’re cooking up a sexy surprise. This way, you can be sure you’re translating their fantasy in a way that will feel both exciting and secure. You can build your scene over time by regularly discussing fantasies, interests, and limits – what you are and aren’t willing to do. Talk about sex and fantasy with your partner(s) regularly – what type of play do they like most? Is there anything they’ve fantasized about  – a toy, activity, or setting – but never been able to indulge in? Talking about fantasy is sexy in itself, and gives you tantalizing things to think about when you’re not in bed together. 

Group Sex 

Group play is fuuuuun, and multipartner sex is actually the most common sexual fantasy in the US! Sex researcher Justin J. Lehmiller focuses on this in his book Tell Me What You Want (an exploration of his research into sexual fantasy), but as that book reveals, very few people have actually had group sex! So what’s the key to actually arranging a threesome, foursome, or moresome? At the core of successful group play is communication and planning, and Lehmiller actually has a series on this on Instagram (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)! Doing some logistics legwork to translate your fantasy into reality before you play helps ensure everyone has a good time. Group sex is an amazing sensory and emotional experience, and more people means more variables – more dishes at the buffet, as it were. When fantasizing about group play, most people envision themselves as the center of attention (as is the case for our birthday girl Kali), so it’s important to know what will make the play feel good for everyone. “Planning a menu” makes it much simpler to figure out what you “should be doing” when you’re actually in there. Take the time to set expectations and get a clear idea of how your fantasy is taking shape, and you’ll step into it feeling sexy, confident, and relaxed when the time comes.

Did You Notice

Did you catch the way Marcus leans into the pets he gets after being teased and denied for so long? The combination of denial, restraint, and anticipation make for a thrilling experience when finally indulged.

Fun Fact

You can see Kali and Marcus play together in a playful scene (including exploring pegging) “The Bottom of My Heart.”

Questions to Consider 

• Do you prefer to “direct the action” during sex, or do you like to take direction more?
• How does the idea of being blindfolded feel to you?
• If you were to try sound deprivation, what kind of signals might you use to communicate with your partner about how you’re liking the scene?
• Do you know enough about your partner to plan a sexy surprise for them? What else would you like to learn about them?
• If you fantasize about sex with multiple people, is that a fantasy you’d want to realize in real life, or would joy prefer to keep it in the realm of imagination?
• If you were planning a group play scenario, what would you want to do in that scene, and who would costar? Where would you want to play?
• Do you see yourself as the center of attention in a group fantasy, or would you want to be the one pleasuring your partner(s)?