Impact Play

Impact play is a type of BDSM practice that can be part of a power exchange, or just used for varying levels of intense stimulation of different areas of the body. This can lead to emotional release, heightened sexual tension, or even “subspace,” a powerful psychological state in which the submissive becomes blissed out as if on a substance high. This can be a very vulnerable practice, playing with physical and emotional pain, so it’s best to explore it outside of sexual contact first. Maybe you take a workshop or a course on best practices, maybe you go to a sex shop with a partner or lover and try out different tools to see which feels the best for them. It’s important not to hit certain parts of the body, like joints or kidneys, and to focus on parts of the body with mass to brace the impact. There are several different tools you can use (like floggers, whips, crops, and paddles) – you can see King Noire using a few different ones here. But don’t worry if you don’t want to break the bank on new accessories – a good old fashioned hand will also do the trick. Being the one using the flogger usually requires practice – so don’t worry if your aim isn’t great the first times you try! Sometimes pain practices are less about pain and more about endorphins. Similar to the science behind a runner’s high, experiencing pain can bring about intense pleasure – it’s our body’s way of balancing out the scales. We can draw parallels to emotional experiences too – without being able to feel pain, would we be able to feel pleasure? It can be really exciting to play with those opposite feelings and use that intensity to stay in the present moment.

If you’re looking to dabble in BDSM, check out our Intro to BDSM for Couples: A Guided Practice.

Wondering how someone could enjoy pain as erotic release? Check out Leigh Cowart’s book “Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose,” in which she examines masochism in all its forms, in and outside of BDSM.

Foreplay & Take it slow

One of the most beautiful qualities of BDSM is that it writes its own sexual script. Often we see the script as follows: making out, hand stuff, oral sex for each, penetrative PIV sex, orgasms, the end. But BDSM says, we’re going to do whatever we want, perhaps flogging for 15 minutes or trying out different roles. BDSM teaches us that sex is about sooo much more than penetration – it’s just as much about building sexual tension, being fully present in your body, or playing with pain thresholds – with safety and consent, of course. When engaging in any BDSM practices, it’s crucial to establish safe words and/or safe gestures beforehand. Safe gestures are needed when one or both people maybe can’t speak because their mouth is covered, for example. A safe gesture can be three taps, or two squeezes on the forearm. Something that says, “hey I need to stop” without having to say all of that in the moment.

Want to see how post-sex conversations go about boundaries?

See behind the scenes from another of afterglow’s films from Royal Fetish featuring Jet Setting Jasmine and her sub Bwana: 9 to 5 Post Shoot Interview. 

Dom/Sub Relationship

“Thank you, King Sir” she repeats, after every slap, to abide by her dom’s rules. This kind of repetitive affirmation, similar to “yes, Mistress” in other films, is a way to express gratitude to the dom but also a way to stay in the role. It’s a fascinating reversal on typical dynamics when we actually thank someone for inflicting pain on us. BDSM practices, just like all sexual practices, should include conversations about limits, safe words or gestures, and aftercare. Impact play could also be thought of as even a type of mindfulness exercise – you’re tuning into the present sensations, without judgment or a goal to orgasm. This kind of play, although characterized by pain, can be part of a tender, loving dynamic. There’s a sweetness to how he kisses her and tends to her pleasure, and the way they’ve got their arms wrapped around each other in missionary later on. Gratitude is also a powerful mindfulness practice, taking us away from our to-do lists and comparisons to others and focusing on what we do have. A body to experience pleasure? Check. A lover who respects my boundaries? Check. A bed to cuddle and revel in aftercare? Check.

Feeling curious about BDSM in general? Check out our Intro to BDSM Guided Sex exercise.

Did You Notice

– Can you catch what Mena says after her orgasm that gets her in trouble?

Questions to Consider

• Of all the aspects of BDSM (bondage, dominance, discipline, sadism, submission,

masochism), which is the most enticing to you?

• How do you think practicing BDSM could help you stay more in the present moment?
• What will your safe gesture be if you can’t use safe words?
• How would you feel being the center of attention for this long?
• In what ways do you allow yourself to feel pain? In what ways do you run away from pain?

• How could relinquishing control for a little while be freeing for you (within established boundaries)?