Sex therapists, coaches, academics, and even porn stars all agree: communication is the secret to great sex. But what does this look like exactly? Is it only talking beforehand, or incorporating direct phrases during sex? Well, our film “Girlsplaining” lays it out perfectly. The film is all about communication and being present during intimacy. (And guess what – it’s super hot too!) Check out what you can learn from “Girlsplaining” below.
What you can learn:
- The art of gentle touching
- Sex isn’t just penetration – it starts at seduction and ends with aftercare
- Not all porn has to be rough
Here are some themes covered in Girlsplaining that may have noticed:
- Communication and dirty talk
- Taking it slow
- Connecting with your partner emotionally during sex
Mindfulness and sex
Do you consider sex to be mindful? Girsplaining delves into this idea by setting the scene in a yoga studio during a session. Yoga and sex have an undeniable connection – it’s no secret most of our sex positions are inspired by yoga poses, like doggy and child’s pose. Still, beyond the physical similarities, both are extremely body-focused, vulnerable, and spiritual activities. Both are centered around mindfulness, flexibility, exploring boundaries, emotional release, and holistic health. There are many lessons from yoga that we can apply to our sex life, like breath control, mindfulness, and energy flow.
Are you looking to incorporate more yoga and mindfulness into your sex life? Here are some basic ways to incorporate yoga into partnered intimacy:
- Partner yoga: Practice yoga poses together to build trust, intimacy, and communication. Partner stretches can promote a sense of connection and enhance physical awareness.
- Mindful Movement: Incorporate slow, mindful movements inspired by yoga into foreplay. This can help build anticipation and heighten sensations.
- Incorporate Massage: Use gentle, mindful touch inspired by yoga to connect and relax your partner. This can enhance intimacy and build anticipation.
- Cool Down Together: After intimacy, engage in a few gentle stretches or restorative poses together, promoting relaxation and connection.
Dirty talk and communication
The title, “Girlsplaining,” is a big hint for the focus of this film: communication. “Girlsplaining” is a play on “mansplaining,” a term used to describe a situation where a man explains something to a woman in a condescending or patronizing manner (we all know the feeling). So, when it comes to our film “Girlsplaining,” we’re talking about a situation in which a woman may be sharing her knowledge or expertise, encouraging others to learn and grow. This is exactly what happens in the film – our star Nicole talks her partner, Jonte, through what she likes and how she is feeling in that moment. This empowers her as the “girlsplainer,” as she is being direct with how her partner can please her.
You may have also noticed that there is a thin line between communication and dirty talk. At what points is Nicole communicating her needs, or just dirty talking? Well, the answer may lie in both! When we discuss consent and sexual communication, many people assume it has to be awkward. Unnatural phrases like “can I kiss you on the mouth” come to mind (although, if that’s your thing, all power to you!). The truth is, sexual communication and consent can be sexy. It can also look like “please tell me how I can make you come,” “do you want me inside of you?”, and “I love when you touch me there.” Communication is sexy! What phrases do you use to turn on your partner and communicate your needs?
Mostly foreplay
Because the whole film was super hot, you may not have even noticed, but vaginal penetration does not occur until more than halfway into the film. Instead, most of the film is centered around body exploration, communication, and foreplay. For instance, we see lots of kissing, oral play, and fingering. Despite being in a yoga studio, it doesn’t seem like Jonte and Nicole are rushing through each sex act to get to the “main event” of vaginal penetration. Instead, they are very mindful through each act, taking their time and being present in the moment.
Is this something that you would like to incorporate into your own sex life? Some ways in which people de-center penetration in their sex life and become more mindful during their intimacy is by purposefully avoiding it. For instance, you can tell your partner, “I want us to both try to come without penetration.” You may be surprised by what you find when you aren’t so worried about getting to one “main event”!
Did you notice?
- Did you know these stars were a real-life couple?
- This film shows aftercare and spooning – this is an important part of sex too!
Questions to consider
- Did it make a difference that they were a real life couple?
- How do you think communication impacted their sex?
- Do you think the talking made the film even hotter?