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Ok so, you already have the costume — why not take it for a sexy spin? Because what better time to dive into erotic roleplay than the one day of the year that gives you “hell yes!” permission to do so. In case you didn’t know, Halloween is that time of the year where we give ourselves permission to re-explore a childlike state of “playing” we dress up as characters and personas, play games, and eat as much delicious candy as possible. And this sort of playfulness puts us in a place of creativity and adventure that can be brought into our sex lives for extra fun which makes it the perfect time for sexy roleplay!

According to a recent survey by My Fantasy app, 74% of people said Halloween seemed like the perfect chance to try roleplaying sex.

In the study, out of 2100 people, 53% were keen to try having sex in a Halloween costume, with 37.82% reporting already having done it, and 10.12% sharing that it’s an annual tradition.

 

What is erotic roleplay?

A quick definition before we dig in. Roleplay is “the changing of one’s behavior to fulfill a social role.” It’s something we do all the time, whether it’s pretending to be nice to a Karen or putting on our bad-ass bitch song to get us pumped with confidence before a date or an important meeting. So basically, erotic roleplay is any roleplaying activity performed mostly, or exclusively for the purpose of sexual behavior.

It can run the gamut…anything from acting more bratty to a full-on Star Wars Princess Leia slave girl costume, chained down and needing to be rescued.

 

What are the benefits of a sexy persona?

What is so special about roleplaying is the positive impact it can have not only on your relationship with your partner, but the relationship you have with yourself. Because getting out of your usual routine can bring out a new sexual energy in you. Marital Psychology Dr. John Gottman says that one way (of many) to rekindle sexual chemistry is through changing your pattern of initiating sex, and what better way to change the energy than to change your outfit? 

But how can I roleplay alone?

Whether you’re new to kinky sexual practices or not, roleplaying is a totally personal experience that is tailored to suit you and your desires, tastes, and creativity. 

Firstly, you can use it as a chance to reconnect with yourself, leaning into your playful side — just like Violet* from London who shares that “it can make you feel quite confident, pretending to be someone you’re not.” 

Secondly, and at the very least, introducing erotic roleplay into your sex life could teach you something new about what you like or don’t like in the bedroom. We only know our limits once we’ve reached them and danced around them for a moment. 

Thirdly, what might seem silly or feel weird at first, feels better once you let go of fear and control — this is when the fun can begin and the benefits enjoyed! 

 

Erotic roleplay doesn’t require a partner

Usually, we tend to focus on partnered sex, but roleplaying is about exploring a different side of yourself. So, if you’re nervous or uncomfortable starting by yourself and really tapping into your imagination is actually the best place to start. Slowly move yourself out of your comfort zone on your own terms; there’s nobody but you there if you do something awkward or strange.

 

How do you get started with erotic roleplay?

If you’ve never tried sexy roleplaying, here are 7 tips to get you started:

 

1. Fantasize 

Now, let’s slow down a minute. Before you even dive into the deep end of roleplaying, it’s good to figure out what kind of roleplay would even turn you on. For example, here are some questions to start with:

  • Are there certain aspects of your personality that you want to accentuate?
  • What about personality traits you see in others that want to develop in yourself?
  • Have you ever thought, “Oh, I could never be like that”? (Spoiler alert: you can!)
  • Is there a TV/movie character that you are drawn to?
  • Do you have a favorite animal or spirit animal?
  • Could you embody someone completely different to yourself, or perhaps accentuate a hidden element of your personality, gender, or energy? 
  • Do you want to express more feminine or masculine traits, or perhaps let go of the gender binary completely? 
  • Are you dominant at work and want to let go and be a total submissive? Or vice-versa?

Need some roleplay ideas?

If you’re low on inspiration, check out the afterglow library and notice which scenarios, characters, and power dynamics you are drawn to. Are you into being watched? Or tying someone up and torturing them with pleasure

Now, get curious. What makes you interested in exploring this role? What about that turns you on? How would you like to recreate that for yourself or a lover?  

Likewise, take some time to do this exercise using your imagination to fantasize about all the possibilities. Fantasize for your own self-pleasure.

Dr. Justin Lehmiller found that 97% of people reported having sexual fantasies. One of the most common sexual fantasies involves novelty and adventure, including new sexual activities. So don’t be shy when it comes to investigating your wildest fantasies! Remember, no one is inside your head to see or judge you. 

Finally, make time for you and get clear on your desires. This is essential in being able to communicate what you want in the bedroom if you want to make it happen. 

 

2. Set the stage for your erotic persona

Not all fantasies have to become reality. Figure out how deep you want to dive into your scene and character. Once you have a clear idea about what you’re into, it’s time to communicate that to the person or people you want to get down and dirty with! If you’re unsure, always aim for more communication rather than less.  

If you or your partner really wants to explore roleplay but feel like something is holding you back, get curious with that feeling. Perhaps it’s the fear of not knowing what to say, or how much to go into character. 

Here are some questions to ask yourself and/or discuss with your partner:

  • What is your name?
  • What will you wear?
  • How will you speak?
  • What boundaries will you set? 
  • Do you want to incorporate props or toys?
  • How far will the fantasy go?
  • How do you signal you want to begin and end the scene? What are your safe words?
  • Where does the scene take place?

This could be anything from texting “meow” to sitting your partner down and having a discussion beforehand about what the fantasy is and why it turns you on.

 

3. Costumes on! Step into character 

Once you’ve got all your preparations done, take a minute to savor and feel into the moment.  

Take a minute for a pre-scene ritual. This could be anything from shaking our your limbs to release nervous tension, taking deep breaths and a minute of silence, to pumping yourself up with some positive words about how sexy you are and how you’re gonna WOW. Remember – you’re doing this for YOU.

Look at yourself in the mirror and blow yourself a kiss, or do something else your character would do. Start to think how they would think. 

You’re ready.

 

4. Time for (erotic role)play games

It’s showtime! The key here is to not put pressure on yourself, and instead go with the flow. Expect there to be moments when things feel off. That’s part of the point – getting out of your normal routine means more risk and more excitement!

To ease yourselves into roleplaying IRL, you might want to start by sexting your roleplay scenario. Send over pictures of costumes you’d like to wear, or props you’d like to try.  You can even use texting as a tool to extend the tease and the fantasy. Try sending some texts in character.

Toni* shared that “it doesn’t need to be all serious and scripted, just have a laugh with it. It has usually worked out best when I slip into one of my sexy costumes, and we just see whatever comes up.” 

So, what’s your safe word for your sexy roleplay scenario?

The one rule from the theatre world of improvisation is you are never allowed to say “no.” Now that might sound like a red flag in sex, but if you’ve established a safe word for communicating a hard no, this can allow you to get through small moments of confusion, hesitation, or awkwardness.

Going along with what each of you are bringing to the scene can be more successful than shutting it down with a “no”. Agnes* agreed that “it took me by surprise that my boyfriend wanted to pretend like we didn’t know each other, but instead it felt like we were getting to know each other all over again. We had that flirty energy, where you don’t exactly know where things are going to go or how they are going to end.” 

 

5. Be mindful

Of course, like in any sexual scenario, it’s always worth checking in with how you are feeling throughout. Trying something new can sometimes bring up new emotions, and particularly in erotic roleplay you might catch yourself judging you or your partner.

The trick here is to breathe into that feeling, let go of fear and judgment, and allow whatever emotions that come up to just be. If you need a break, or want to stop altogether, just use your safe words. 

Don’t forget, it’s meant to be fun, so if you can find the humor in it, let yourself laugh! It can only be a good sign!

 

6. Reflect

After the scene, check in with each other with how you both felt it went. Dr. Laurie Mintz, Psychologist and Sex Therapist, suggests processing the fantasy after with questions such as “How did it go? What turned you on the most? What would we do differently if we did it again?”

Most importantly, check in with yourself. Did you get in touch with that part of yourself you were looking for? 

It’s never to early to start planning next year’s erotic roleplay!

 

7. Bonus: Make it Spooky

“Around Halloween”, says Therapist and Sexpert for My Fantasy Dr. Sakshi Tickoo, “costumes become a form of socially acceptable expressive masks that help us change our perspective and self-image to express our sexual desires and behaviors that we seek beyond our usual sexual adventures”, such as fetishes and kink play. “The boundaries seem to get blurred around Halloween because every identity and expression is valid and looked upon with curiosity, not shame.” 

So if you’re exploring roleplay around Halloween, you might want to think about what new dynamics you could try out. We have a few suggestions, but let your imagination run wild:  

  • Vampire/ss and victim
  • Batman, Catwoman, and Robin  
  • Owner and pet
  • Angel and devil
  • Kinky space aliens
  • Witch and sexy cat
  • Doctor and nurse
  • Sailor and mermaid 

You could also add some Halloween-themed games to the scenario, such as Trick or Treat (punishment or pleasure), blindfolded genital bobbing, or sharing horror sex stories. 

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So there you have it you curious devils, all your erotic roleplaying delights. Whether you explore and enjoy it in your fantasies, your porn watching, during a hot night of BDSM with your partner, or a whole party of kinky spooksters, sexy roleplaying is for anyone looking to spice things up.

Want to explore more of your sexuality? Get inspired by our growing library of erotic videos.